Sis You Are Worthy
Podcast

I know that this episode might be triggering but if you find that to be the case know that everything I’m going to say is from a place a love, support, and wanting to see you win.

I have been having a lot of conversations with my clients about what transpires at work, in particularly during meetings.  One of my clients, we’ll call her Tamika was sharing with me how difficult her boss was. He had been speaking bad about her and just overall was not the type of person who had integrity and was someone she felt she could continue to report to. I’ve had a boss or two like this before and I get how frustrating, exhausting and even depressing it can be to show up every day in this environment. However, for the purposes of this episode I’m not going to address them here but I do coach on how to deal with a difficult boss when I work with you inside the Collective.

 What I’m addressing on this episode is what you do and how you are showing up because they are not going to tell you. While I’m using Tamika (who is a real client but name has been changed) I’m just going to tell y’all what we say out of our mouth at work is a topic we cover in the Collective a great deal and in full transparency sis your mouth is reckless. There I said it! It was the elephant in the room.

So, Tamika’s providing an example of what’s going on in this meeting, you know how they go sis and then she says to me “I mean, I’m not abrasive but I’m going to say what’s on my mind”. Like the preacher on Sunday morning sis….Stop right there. That statement in and of itself is a red flag and it means sis you need to check yourself because I can guarantee you are recking your career. Let me start with a point of clarification about “buts”. Know that whenever you say “but” in this manner you disqualified everything that came before the “but”. Everything before the “but” is what you think you should say and is defensive posturing to justify your behavior. What comes after it is your truth. When you say “I’m not abrasive “but” I’m going to say what’s on my mind”. Nah sis, your abrasive. “I’m going to say what’s on my mind” is the equivalent of “You can get it how you live”.

I will be the first one to tell you that my mouth has come a long long way. I’ve put int the time to learn how to manage me instead of trying to manage others because I only have control over what I do. I missed this lesson the first time it was given to me because the context was different and maybe because I was young. I remember going to a Christian bookstore because I was really struggling with how to deal with being strong-willed and having strong thoughts and opinions as it related to how I managed my romantic relationship. I can remember the experience almost like it was yesterday. I walked up to this older Black Woman who worked there and asked about a couple of the books I had picked up.  Before she would tell me her thoughts on which one she though was best for me she asked me about what was going on. I told her and I can’t remember what she said next but what I do remember clear is day is me saying “but I have strong opinions” and her saying “but that doesn’t mean they should be spoken. Everything that comes to your mind doesn’t need to be shared or spoken”. Boom!! I literally just stood there for a minute or two, probably with my mouth open.

Sis I get why your attitude is stank, harsh, abrasive, out of alignment and all that but that doesn’t mean that it is serving you. One of the challenges we as Black Americans have in the work place is we have bought into the belief that there is one universal truth and that truth then determines what is right, wrong, and just. We are taught this “truth” primarily through religion and education and since it is engrained into us in our most formidable years and we spent so much of our time their. Think about how much time you spent at church and at school from 0-25. This “truth” makes up the unconscious fabric of our identity and thus we cling to this truth with our bibles and master degrees. The written word that we’ve mastered then makes way for our righteousness, and egos. Yes, even in the workplace. You and we as a people hold sacred what is written. As if it being written, makes it fact, right or just. In reality, what is written, was written by man or has been altered by man. In most cases especially in western history its been self-serving for white men and detrimental to black people. Take the story of Christopher Columbus that we were taught as “truth” versus what we understand today. Think about how old you were when you learned that slaves were taken to other places besides America? That there are people that look just like you in Central America, South America, Europe, Canada and the Carribean.  Did you learn that in school? Did you learn that there were a lot of slave rebellions other than Nat Turner or that White folks burned down literally all the prominent Black towns across the country not just Black Wall Street?

You want to know the reality of said truth though? Here’s the “truth” the majority of shit that we are programmed from birth to believe is made up or it is based on the perspective and motive of the person who wrote it. Clinging to this truth only serves to keep you playing small and in line with what the man wants for you instead of what you want for you. This applies in the workplace as well. Your truth may be that you take “work” and your career very seriously but that is not everybody’s truth. You believe that there is a “right” and “wrong” way to do things. I’m going to offer that it’s not right or wrong but rather your way and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your way is your intellectual property and there is value in that but only if the people in the room are open to receiving it and the energy and method in which you deliver it is clean. Negative energy (i.e. energy that you give from the place of I’m right or no what’s best, why won’t they listen or these some liars) will always be met with resistance.

I’m not saying that you are not free to believe and act however it is you want. We all are. We all have free will. As a thought leader, someone whose been in your shoes and as your sister what I’m sharing with you is that the truth is not always reality and our reality isn’t always defined by the truth. Then it becomes our resistance of ‘what is’ that creates our suffering and keeps us stuck, especially in our careers. Ironically, you are more willing to apply judgement to those you work with rather than apply the principals our mommas taught us to how we conduct ourselves at work. However, it’s those principals that would serve us best in the workplace. Y’all don’t hear me though. Maybe it was only my momma who said:

• Fix your face
• Think before you speak
• If you don’t have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all
• It’s not what you say but how you say it
• Or conduct yourself accordingly

So here’s an example of how this plays out in the workplace that doesn’t serve you.

1. You walk into Monday’s staff meeting and you learn that Becky is going to be presenting to the team. During Becky’s presentation she proposes an idea for a quarterly workshop and teambuilding exercise. The workshop would be all day and members of the team would be encouraged to submit topics of interest or present. Your boss really likes the idea and believes it would bring the team closer together. However, while Becky is talking you have the following thoughts:
   • Who the FXXX has time for this shit?
   • Don’t we spend enough time together in meetings like this already?
   • What if I just don’t like y’all? A teambuilding exercise isn’t going to help that.
   • Lawd, I need to find a new job.
   • It’s always the ones that don’t do know damn work that come up with ish like this.

Do you hear how frustrated and annoyed those thoughts make me feel? So guess what? When I start to ask Becky questions about this little event she’s proposing, even if I do my best to say it nicely, she’s going to get all the frustration annoyance in my tone. So know that she’s get all that smoke.

Yes, you may just be asking a question but in reality, you’re questioning the person but you don’t see it. The manner in which you ask that first question will immediately put them on the defensive because you’re giving off energy that makes it feel like an interrogation. What are people saying about you? What would you say about you?

It doesn’t matter if you were right, the truth teller or just. You will be label as “difficult”, not a team player, the angry Black woman, etc. I’m saying to you sis that this path can be avoided or you can pivot out of it by improving your communication skills and learning how to manage your emotions.

One of the most valuable components that I offer inside the Confident Career Collective VIP membership is that we “role play”. Yes honey, we act out how it’s going to go down because 1. It helps you be intentional about what you want to say and how you want to show up instead of reacting in to your emotions in the moment for the whole organization to see 2. It helps you practice being confident in your delivery 3. All your mess will come up and we work through it so you feel confident about your part in how the scenario is going to play out and 4. In the process I teach you how to use relationships, influence and use other methods to get to your desired state versus telling people their baby is ugly.

I hope that understanding the part you play in what you say will set you free or at least release you from continuing to cause yourself, yes yourself more emotional trauma at work, that it releases you from walking around being a negative ball of energy and blaming it on everyone else.  At the end of the day, you want to be able to see how the game is being played, understand your part in it and strategically decide your next move. If you are stuck in the middle of it and it feels like quicksand then you are at the mercy of others. I’m here to extend you an olive branch and pave the way for you to get to the other side without sinking.

Sis You Are Worthy and let the words from your mouth be that of a leader.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

1. We are all human
   1. Not only are all people created equal, the person’s title doesn’t change the fact that we are all humans. Titles given at work are only to maintain a hierarchy for the purposes of making decisions, accountability and order. It does not inherently make the person “better”. In fact, there’s nothing that makes them inherently better than you. In our society we come to this place where we idolize and worship other humans without even realizing it. Before you say you don’t, think about how much power over your life, your career, and your being you’ve given your current boss or a past boss. How many times have you said you “have” to do something for work that you knew damn well could have waited until the next day? It’s not your fault. We’ve been conditioned to take on the beliefs that support the constructs and systems that keep us “in our place”, stagnate or complacent. This is one of the reasons the wealth gap keeps getting bigger. We think of people as being larger than life. We often want what they have but kind of believe that it’s not for people like us. The truth is those people you admire or idolize are also human. They are simply utilize their abilities with confidence because they understand that the next person they encounter is just human.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
2. Smile Sis
   1. There is nothing more beautiful than your smile. A smile is a double win. It disarms and embraces at the same damn time. A smile makes it easier for the other person to feel safe in your presence (regardless of race). When you walk into a room with a smile it’s just really hard to be mad at the person. That’s why we do it in relationships when we know the other person is mad at us. A smile disarms the person even if they don’t want it to
3. Be Curious
   1. You won’t always know or like a peer or leader that you have to speak with and that’s ok. This is where curiosity can help you naturally generate questions and conversation. Just being curious about them as a person can help you generate preliminary questions to ask during the discussion. Curiosity can also help you do your homework on the person like looking-up their LinkedIn profile. So much can be gained from just reviewing a person’s LinkedIn profile. Key pieces of information such as where they went to school, companies where they previously worked, associations and organizations they may take part in and most importantly people you both have in common. All of these details help you to find a thread of commonality and you find that thread by being curious.
4. Make Peace
   1. Make peace with yourself and the understanding that conversations have a natural flow and sometimes that flow is awkward. While you want to be prepared, you don’t need to stay up late analyzing what to say before the conversation and then after the conversation you want to catch yourself if you find that you stress about what you “should have” said. It’s ok to evaluate for the purposes of self-improvement but watch out for words that you tell yourself like “should”. Should is a quick way to identify when you are judging yourself instead of evaluating yourself with love and compassion. Consider, what if the conversation went exactly as it was meant to go. There’s peace in understanding that we all have a different vibration and sometimes they align and sometimes it feels like nails on a chalkboard and that’s ok. A conversation is nothing more than a form of communication used to determine alignment or not.
5. Make Eye Contact
   1. You’re beautiful. Making eye contact is a display of confidence. Eye contact by itself can raise your vibration and can serve as spoken word without you ever having to say a work. Our eyes can say so much even with masks on. Think about all the times growing up where your mother simply had to give a look and you knew exactly what she meant. That same strength can be displayed with your eye when you are work. Making eye contact is also a way to break subconscious generational curses and programming. Our people have been taught to not make eye contact when speaking to White people in particular. That programming carries multiple impacts that follow us to this day. Including being less than. See when you make eye contact it shifts your whole disposition. Eye contact requires you to look up, it raises your chin, the spine of your back and your shoulders. Changing your entire stance and your energy or vibration to one that is more confident. If you struggle with making eye contact then start with awareness. If you are looking down, looking up or closing your eyes when speaking then all that’s needed is a little practice. Notice when you’re not making eye contact and ask yourself why?

Alright, those are the 5 Simple Ways you can Confident Convos. To recap they were:

1. We are all human
2. Smile Sis
3. Be Curious
4. Make Peace
5. Make Eye Contact

Having confident convos allows you the opportunity to make the connections that will get you that promotion, new job, more money and all the things you desire.

If you want to get better at having confident convos then reach out to me and I’ll show you how.

Sis You Are Worthy and you are ready to have confident conversations at work.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

I want to encourage you to examine your beliefs about Black Women. This might seem counter intuitive given you are a Black Woman but you’ll be amazed at what you find that you were thinking about Black Women based on the programming or messaging put out in the media or in our environments that you didn’t even know you believed.

As part of my work to serve Black Women it really forces you to explore your own beliefs in order for me to hold space for you and do it without judgement. One of the things I found was that I equated being loud to being ghetto, uncouth, not put together, etc. but only when done by a Black Woman. When I explored why I have this association I found that I got it growing up. My grandmother taught us that it was improper for a woman to be loud and at that time DC or Chocolate City was still Chocolate so I didn’t interact with a lot of White People outside of school. Thus, the assumption my brain made was that she was talking about Black Women because that’s all that was around me.

To take this notion a step further, reality TV also plays into this narrative. What would Real Housewives of Atlanta be without two or more people on the show falling out. What perception does it give? Do the women fall out on Real Housewives of Orange County? Yes, but the perception is their just being catty and that’s ok. When it’s Black Women though it’s met with disdain and judgement even from us. Because what we don’t want is for the white people to think we don’t have it together. For the record when I explore my thoughts about loud white women it creates thoughts that annoy me, I think they are attention seekers, or drunk. I’m not saying any of it is true. They are just my thoughts. We all have them.

The ones I’m concerned with are the ones that get in the way of you being confident and all that you are called to be.  Stop believing you can’t get along with other Black Women. That they can’t be there for you, cheer you on, uplift you and come with all of the magic in support of you.

Let’s take a minute and go back down memory lane.

Think back to your childhood…..who was your best friend?

If you are an 80’s baby like me then her name likely started with a Sha or ended with an “a”.

Was she a Black Woman?

Now think about your ace your best friend when you went to college?

Was she a Black Woman?

Now I want you to think about when hanging out with your girls and in particular Black women who look like you.

What was the defining moment when things changed?

Was it when one of y’all got a man?

Was it when the world told us to be independent & strong?

Was it when your career took off and you no longer had anything in common.

Or maybe it was when you had your beautiful babies and between caring for them and work you lost the connection to you girls.

No matter when it was or the reason I want you to explore your connection to Black Women. I want you to remember what sisterhood feels like. I want you to greive and let go of any hurt you may feel based on something that may have happened between you and another sista.

Why this matters.

Black Girl Magic in it’s fullest capacity is when we utilize it as a collective. The mission for Sis You Are Worthy is 100,000 Black Women as part of The Confident Career Collective community. Why? OMG!! Just take a minute to imagine the type of change we can make as a collective. Imagine being able to actually connect with other Black Women in your field and no longer feeling like the only. Imagine a network where we employ each other. Imagine.

I could go on but in order for the mission to be achieved you, me, we as a collective have to be willing to give ourselves and our sistas some grace.

It’s the grace for when I fall short as a leader because there’s no one that looks like me to hold my hand along the way.

It’s the grace for when I acclimate to the dominate culture and I mistreat you sis simply because I’m just trying to survive myself.

It’s the grace for when I do get promoted but I’m afraid to hire Black People on my team because of what the White people might think.

It’s the grace for when I offer sis a job that’s a promotion but she’d rather stay in her role because she has more faith in the failed promises of the white man.

It’s the grace.

It’s the grace for when I say “hey sis I can help you” but you choose to stay stuck.

It’s the grace for recognizing that I’m having a bad day and I meant no disrespect for my tone sis.

It’s the grace in remembering that Black Women are human too and that makes us beautifully imperfect.

The memories of what it felt like to be in the presence of Black Girl Magic begin to fade.

Here’s what I want to offer. If your organization has a Black Employee Resource Group then I encourage you to become a part of it. If not, make an impromptu one. At a minimum you can send out a calendar invite and invite other Black Women to break bread together. Fellowship is good for the soul and taking a break from the work is good for your mental and emotional health. Get comfortable with being with your people.

If you are a Black Woman who is in a supervisory and leadership role remember that you are not only an example of what is possible but you have a responsibility to reach back, mentor, and provide opportunity for those who look like you. If you want to debate the use of the word “responsibility” then I would ask that you explore your “why”. Why wouldn’t you want the next generation of your people to have a better experience than you.  I’d also like for you to consider that white supremacy is hoping you don’t understand the assignment or it’s importance.

On the opposite end of that sis if you want to grow your career then you must be willing to listen and execute based on the knowledge provided by Black mentors. Having Black mentors is a must. It provides aspects of mentorship that a white mentor can’t based on cultural understanding. A black mentor provides safety, relatability, understanding and a communication style that just hits different. A Black mentor can help you miss those landmines or recover when you hit them because it’s likely we already did.

Pride has no place in the progress of our people.

You can be proud and the epitome of Black excellence but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a thing or two from another sista. That applies no matter where you currently sit in life or your title.

I am my sistas keeper.

Sis you are worthy and I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Let’s get to work!

The reason why is because when you are confident it is based on past experiences. Therefore, you can be confident that you are going to succeed or you can be confident that you are going to fail.  How secure or confident you feel in either direction is based on your past. Feeling confident is one of the reasons we stay in a role too long. It presents the illusion of safety and security that we as humans and certainly as Black Women so desperately want.  The reality is we are all confident in something. So if you are not confident that you’re ready for a promotion or going to get the promotion then you are going to play it safe. Essentially, you are confident in your doubt for whatever reasons your thinking. That could be “they’re never going to promote me”, I’ve already been passed over, They only promote their favorites and so on.  Playing it safe looks like you staying where you are because you know the work, the people, etc. This is how being confident can stand in the way of you getting to the next level or reaching your goal.

The second version of Confidence is Confidence as it relates to the present. Every day you experience moments in which you exhibit confidence and you don’t even know it. It’s the moments where you utilize your voice by offering solutions during a meeting, it’s helping a peer solve a problem or stepping up to take on a daunting task when no one else was willing. You perform actions with confidence every day. You just don’t recognize them because you think that you’re just “supposed” to know those things or you’ve gotten so consumed by the work and work drama that you can only see what’s not working instead of what is. Earlier in my career I would get so nervous when I needed to present and I recall asking a mentor of mine how they were able to speak with such confidence and what he said and what I’ll tell you is, to keep doing it. The first 1000 times you could tell I was nervous by my demeanor, vibration in my voice or the fact that I talk really fast when I’m nervous. Each time though I would go to the meeting, give my presentation, and review my performance. It’s those moments that ultimately create the confident version of ourselves. At this point in my career I’m pretty comfortable speaking in a corporate environment.

Then the third version of Confidence that we utilize is Self-Confidence. If you’ve listened to the Self-Confidence and Faith podcast then you know Self-Confidence is akin to Faith. It’s when you choose to have faith in yourself despite not having any evidence you can do it or having evidence that would suggest anything but the possibility that you can make it happen. Self-Confidence is the hardest version of Confidence to stand in and hold because it requires you to trust yourself and have your own back but it is necessary in a couple of scenarios. One being those scenarios that make other people nervous. The ones where you tell people you’re taking a Black Girl Sabbatical and they start to project their fear on you and instead of you trusting your voice you let it create doubt and likely misery for you. This is where you utilizing Self-Confidence comes into play. Another scenario in which utilizing Self-Confidence is necessary is when you don’t want to do something but it’s likely the next best thing to do as it pertains to your career. I’ve had several conversations with Black Women this year who have been offered or advised that they would be perfect for a role and they refuse or shy away from it. If this is you I want you to tap into why you are refusing. What’s the story you’re telling yourself. What I see is that we are shying away from roles where we can’t or haven’t seen ourselves (i.e., Black Women). One of the sistas I spoke with had been highly encouraged, multiple times, to move to the sales team but she preferred to stay in a compliance type role because problem solving is what we do. We understand it. We perceive it as safe and we are Confident in our ability to execute the role. Notice I said Confident. The growth though both from a career, personal and professional development opportunity is in the role that gives you pause. When she told me I totally could see it. She was awesome. She was an extrovert, had the gift of gab and was definitely the “I’ve never met a stranger type”. Her ability to connect with people is what would make her great at sales. The path less traveled is the path that makes you unique, makes you a standout and a trailblazer. Don’t minimize what the angels are saying to you based on fear or the messenger. Leverage it to build your confidence.

Ok. The three forms or versions of confidence we discussed today was:

• Being Confident which is based on your past experiences
• Having Confidence in the moment to do things that might make you nervous but you are willing to do it.
• Then having Self-Confidence which is believing or having faith even though you have no evidence that you can do it or that things are going to work out but either way you have your own back.

While Self-Confidence is the hardest it offers the largest opportunity for reward and growth.

An example of me practicing self-confidence is my belief that I will grow my business to seven figures. I have no evidence that I can do it but I have faith, a strong desire and a deep belief that it’s going to happen. Not so much for the money but what it would mean in regards to Black Women as a collective and then how it will inherently benefit our communities.

What I do have is Confidence that I can help you. Without doubt. Why you haven’t joined the Collective when you can increase your confidence, feeling of belonging, and worthiness for a little as $25 per month is beyond me but it’s ok because it’s for the sistas that ready. Every day that you stay in self-doubt, victimhood, frustration and numbness it’s costing you confidence, money, and peace.

And listen yes I’m Confident that I can help you as a Confidence & a Career Coach but for this example I’m confident that at the end of the day I could go right now and get job in corporate America. I’m for sure confident in my dooms day scenario that I can go work for someone else.

My question for you is in what area of your career are you confident, displaying confidence and needing to be self-confident? Write it down so you can see where you are killing it and which version of confidence do you want to strengthen.

Sis You Are Worthy and I have confidence in you even when you don’t.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

Come see me. I also know that the emotional distress we experience in the workplace is so deep that it would over shadow the other signs and in fact the more I thought about it the more I believe the other signs can also be warning indicators that can help you course correct before you reach full on distress, exhaustion, burnout, or fatigue with the work that you are doing, your boss or the organization.

In our minds we look at work differently. I don’t know why exactly but we seem to compartmentalize it and assume that the laws and systems of both humanity and this country don’t apply. We forget that everything has a season and I don’t just mean that people come and go from your life but what you may be missing is that even when something stays there is still a change in season that takes place. Let’s use a 20-year marriage for example. The honeymoon period is a season, that’s followed with the raising these babies, when those babies become teenagers that a whole season all by itself, in between all of that is the growing your career season, midlife crisis season, you feel me. So even though the same two people have been together for two years everything about them and their life is different.  So, them “How it started vs How it’s going pictures you see on Instagram are just snapshots they don’t provide a complete story of the evolution or change that has taken place over that period of time. The same applies to work. 

The one thing that is inevitable is change. When the universe gives us signs that it’s time for change and we disregard it the universe just keeps upping the ante and it often leads us to the brink of emotional distress before we finally are willing to see help and change. I’m going to whole heartly encourage you to seek help before you get to the place of it all being to much. Yes I can help you but it’s more important to me that you get someone to help you both from a career perspective and an emotional health perspective. It doesn’t have to come to flipping the card table over sis.

Her are 3 ways you can identify if your current role, or organization has come to the end of it’s season and it’s time for you to make a move.

1. The first way to know this is if you are bored. This may equate to you saying “the work is easy”, it’s no longer fulfilling, or it’s not stimulating. This is actually great news. Boredom is a sign that you are no longer challenged by the work and are ready to take on a new challenge. But when we think about stepping into a new challenge fear and self-doubt kicks in because it is your brains automatic response to keep you safe. It’s always going to default to the path it knows no matter how bad it is because it believes that it is safer than the unknow. If you don’t catch it what happens is your belief in you starts to waiver so then you start to justify the stay by saying to yourself…. well, I know this work, the team needs me or they’re going to be upset if I leave. Sorry sis, none of those are justified reasons. I use to tell myself it was ok to stay even if I was bored because I could do it in my sleep. The truth is that is ridiculous. It was then and it is now. I’m not judging myself. I don’t want any do overs. I can though acknowledge and even accept that what I was really choosing was to be a zombie, or accept a slow death because whenever we don’t live in our purpose or up to capability that’s what we are doing. Then for Black Women the slow death becomes painful. You know what makes it painful? In order to feel like any of it matters instead of taking a more challenging role we instead decide to stay, become fixers and overwork. I mean because if you can do the work in your sleep then that’s what you end up doing. Make sure you catch that. Remember your thoughts, those sentences you say to yourself create your result. So instead of sleeping I was working and even when I was sleeping it was hard to quiet my mind because all I could think about is work.
2. The second way you can identify if you’re at the end of a season is when you think the people you work with are idiots, ratchet or any other characteristic or adjectives for human you find unbecoming. You remember when you were just entering the field and every one was so smart and you admired them all and even wanted to be like some of them? You know what happened to her? She learned what she was supposed to in that season and decided to stay longer than her season and now you’re mad because you work with idiots. 9 times out 10 these people were the same the whole time. You’re the one who changed sis. I’ll give you the same nugget to noodle on that I gave my husband. He no longer loves what he does and lately he’s been having issues with people at work. Now the way he tells me the scenario it’s the other people who are the problem and I get it. Logically, he makes valid points for why he thought something was right or wrong and I’m not here to debate that with him or you. But here’s what I told him and I’m telling you. You are the problem. Go on ….suck your teeth at me or clutch your pearls but it’s you sis and the fallout and aggravation is self-inflicted. You know why? Because you’re the one who is not where you’re supposed to be. You have stayed in that season too long and the universe don’t like it and you know it because you can feel it in your soul. You are to be elsewhere, it’s the place where iron sharpens iron. Where you can grow to your next level. Instead you’re trying to stay in high school when you’re supposed to be in college. Let it go.
3. The third and final way you justify staying in a role or organization is if you’re telling yourself any variation of your life is easier by staying. You may be saying:
   1. It’s easier to stay than to leave. I don’t want to go through the interviewing process or learn all new people.
   2. I’d rather keep the devil I know. Honey the devil is the devil. Stop trying to make it sound good and you would be remiss to think you know him.
   3. I can do what I want here or I have flexibility. Well listen COVID made it such that finding an organization that is flexible is widely available.
   4. I don’t know what I want to do next. Not true sis. You always have an idea. The idea might scare you . You might think it’s impossible but you do know. Here’s a secret. Doing the thing you don’t want to do is usually the answer. Now all you have to do is coach yourself through how to make it happen.

So the three ways you can identify if you’ve been in your role or organization is:

1. You are bored.
2. You think the people you work with are idiots.
3. You’re telling yourself it’s is easier to stay.

I can just hear the sound of Blackness singing Hold On (Change is Coming):

Now just hold on (hold on)
Change is coming (change is coming)
Hold on (hold on)
Don’t worry (don’t worry ’bout a thing)

And what my soul wants you to know sis is that the change you are waiting for is you. You are ready for the next season of your career and it’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself about how you can equip yourself to move past the fear and self-doubt. Either way change is coming. The only thing up for debate is how it will change you and who you become in the process. Choose wisely.

Sis You Are Worthy and time’s up. This season is over.

I love you sis.

Let’s get to work.

 

Most mid to large companies have a formal promotion process that generally takes place in the fall and spring. As we head into the end of the year you want to decide now if you want to get promoted in 2022.

The first area to evaluating your readiness is whether or not you have a plan. Promotions don’t just happen randomly by chance or every day so you want to have a plan that’s strategically navigating you along a designated path to your goal. I know I don’t need to say this but in real life meritocracy doesn’t exist for the majority. Meritocracy being those that work hard will be rewarded and rise to the top. If that were the case the need for representation of Black women at the upper levels of management wouldn’t be a topic of conversation. Additionally, without a career plan you are working for provision and not for promotion or growth.

The second focal point is communicating your plan to others. Now listen, this does not mean showing up in your boss’s office tomorrow talking about you want to be promoted. Timing is everything. Instead, what I’m referring to here is the ability to communicate your desires directly and indirectly to others. We often talk about words having power and speaking life into a situation but we don’t do that in our careers. You know you want more but who did you tell?  Working hard does not necessarily mean you want more responsibility or that you should be promoted if I’m being honest. So, what you have to do is communicate your desires to the right people and more than just your boss. I cover communicating at work on a deeper level within the collective because it’s more than just telling your boss you want to be promoted and leaving it to them to make it happen. It’s communicating it to your mentor and on the indirect side it’s also how you communicate with others, especially during meetings. I’m going to tell y’all like it was told to me…Stop telling people there baby is ugly. What that means is stop making people look incompetent, stop telling them their idea is stupid, or communicating in a way that makes you the asshole in the room. Now we don’t do it on purpose but because we can problem solve and others are not so good at it our brains immediately go to processing the 5,482 ways for which this is a stupid idea, will not work or will result in all out chaos. So, we immediately begin with a line of questioning and laying into the person. The mentoring advice I’ll give is one from your childhood because it applies here, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all”. If the topic is of importance to you then schedule a follow-up meeting to discuss privately.

Focus area #3 is Making connections. What connections have you made? I teach you how to make connections instead of networking. It’s not necessary to meet a lot of people in order to get your name out there or to get promoted. What matters is that you meet the right people. The right people being those people where you have a true connection or vibe if you will, you are sold on them and they are sold on you. People do things based on a feeling. So, you can network with 100 people and none of them will think about you when they have an opportunity because a connection wasn’t made. See when there’s a connection you stay on people’s mind. Thus, when there’s an opportunity a promotion to be had they think of you.

#4 is Leadership. I’m here to tell you that leaders always rise to the top. It may not be the top of the company you’re in now or with the boss you have now but the only way to stop true leadership is to instill fear in the people and that is what we saw in the 60’s and the state of the workplace and the country is a result of that decision. But fear never lasts forever just look at history. Here’s why leadership is important to getting promoted even if we don’t see a lot of it in the workplace right now; Leaders understand how to influence others, leaders aren’t concerned with the minute details they are concerned with the big picture win and they leverage others to do the work. Leaders also surround themselves with a team that covers them. Real leaders appreciate people, they lift them up and can spot talent. They know who they are and where they are not the strongest. So, then they build a talented team around them to cover them. This respects for others and their strengths builds loyalty. Leadership is magnetic. It draws people to you and as long as people trust you, they will follow you and if they follow you, they will do for you and then the objective is as good as done. Leadership isn’t about you. It’s about the people. If you are early in your career then working hard may be enough to get you a promotion or two depending on the responsibilities but the more you move up it becomes impossible to know every detail, to check everybody’s work or get the job done if you don’t lead.

Last but not least, you want to check you Mindset. Mindset is everything. It will determine how you feel about work and that feeling will be displayed in the way you show up and treat others.  Mindset encompasses all the feelings you’re having including confident, frustrated, annoyed, or even defeated. Notice where you may have thoughts that lead you to believe everything is about you, that your way is the right way, that you are better than others or entitled to or more deserving of a promotion. This line of thinking is grounded in ego and it’s a distraction for you and a repellant to others. Your mind is your greatest asset. You want to be aware of how you’re thinking because if you’re not someone else is and then your reacting.

To recap, the 5 areas of your career you want to evaluate when determining if you are promotion ready are:

1. Having a plan
2. Being able to communicate
3. Your connections
4. Ability to lead
5. Managing your Mind

Getting promoted doesn’t have to be hard but it is intentional. If you want support moving past the evaluation process and implementing the missing pieces for your specific situation, then I invite you to join the Confident Career Collective VIP membership. You know what it is. Go to sisyouareworthy.com and select work with me and let’s get started with making 2022 the best year yet in your career.

Please don’t take a passive approach to getting promoted. By passive I mean waiting on your boss or a job to be posted. A passive approach typically produces a “passive result. For example, being passed over for a promotion or it taking a significant amount of time for your leadership to make it happen and then it still comes with some “gotcha’s”. A passive approach is also waiting for a promotional opportunity that you like to be posted. Those are the ones that hurt the most when you don’t get it. I’m sharing from experience. The good opportunities are already spoken for by the time they are posted and that’s if they are posted at all. We have all seen the org announcements where people get promoted for jobs you didn’t even know existed. If you want to be one of those people then I can help you see your blind spots and be confident as you implement you’re your plan for promotion.

Sis You are worthy and let’s get this promotion.

I love you sis,

Let’s get to work

Using the obvious example of our faith in Christ even though we’ve never seen him. Then confidence is full trust, belief in the powers, abilities, trustworthiness or reliability or a person or thing. In the context of this podcast that person is you, hence Self-Confidence. Self-Confidence is a reflection of your faith in you.

 

It’s the belief that you are going to win despite what it looks like today. Despite what you can see or even understand.  You say that you are a believer but I want you to know that there is a direct correlation between your faith in the most-high and your faith in you.

 

Keeping with self-confidence is faith how great is your confidence that God favors you? How much confidence do you have that he’s got you? How much faith do you have when God tells you to act but man tells you not to?

 

Before you answer I want you to think about the hard things that was asked of the people in the Bible. If Black Women and Corporate America is the new David vs Goliath how strong is your faith? How strong is your belief in who God says you are! How strong is your belief in you or rather strong is your belief in them? Take stock because therein lies the work.

 

It’s the work to unprogram the subconscious thought that white is right, that they have all the power, that you have to do x, y, or z out of fear. It’s the work to stop believing that they are superior and we are inferior. It’s the understanding that who you are and what you do are not the same thing.

 

You can’t expect a people whose whole identity is built around making you believe you are not all of who god said you were or that your lineage isn’t great. These are the same people who are telling you to dim your light because your natural gifts and your natural talents are outshining them. It makes them uncomfortable because it raises their awareness of their inadequacies and that’s their work and not yours to internalize.

 

It may be hard to have a real conversation with yourself about your belief system and that’s ok. You can do hard things. If you would have asked me five years ago about my faith in them versus my faith in me I would’ve adamantly said it was me but the truth is all the beliefs we as a people have about work and money are rooted in the oppressive mindset given to and inflicted upon our ancestors and then passed down from generation to generation. That’s what makes them generational curses. The sad and I’ll be honest, frustrating part for me is I believe in you and I want more for you but you keep fighting for that mindset because you have more faith in them but then you complain about your lack of progress in your career.

 

It is my honor and privilege to be a Black Woman. Yes, being a Black Woman is a privilege. Not everyone has the opportunity to embody and understand this greatness or this magic. Just thinking about it feels me with pride and joy. I’m not worried about white privilege. White people are human just like all people and they are going to be who they are and do what they do. My focus is on you Sis. On helping you see that the foundation for your faith, the ability to access your confidence is already within you, it’s just a matter of removing some of the programming that’s blocking it and I can help you.

 

So how do we do that?

 

Well self-confidence means that you are willing to experience any emotion and still believe in yourself and go after our dreams. We are all born with confidence or at least the willingness to try some shit. As we get older that willingness gets covered in fear because that’s what we are fed. The more of the fear you believe the more it numbs your self-confidence.

 

Thing about it. Kids practice self-confidence daily. They are just willing to try shit. They have no problem climbing on stuff, playing in the dirt, swinging from the ceiling fan and all that…… until we tell them not to for the sake of “keeping them safe”.

Think about riding a bike. Remember the first time you learned how to ride a bike without training wheels. It required you to unlearn how you use to ride and learn a new skill. When you first got on the bike the likelihood that you are going to fall is high, right. Since you were afraid of falling and getting hurt, you had the person teaching you promise that they would hold you up and not let go right. Well as your coach I’m here to help guide you in the direction you want to take your career by teaching you how to reclaim your confidence and I’m not going to let go until you’re ready.

 

Now in the process of learning, whether it be riding a bike, a different way of working or increasing your self-confidence there’s going to be some bump and bruises and some cheers along the way. I’m hear for it all and your sistas in the collective are here for you to. Inside the collective you learn that you got this and that no matter what pebbles or rocks are thrown in your way you have the confidence that you can handle it. It’s confidence that fuels you to take the actions needed to create the success you desire.

 

One of the best things I ever heard was “you always practicing faith”. Meaning you are always practicing faith in something. What are you practicing having faith in? Is it in your boss? Are you practicing believing that they have all the power and you have none?  Is it in worry? Yes, when we worry we are practicing the faith or belief that things are not going to work out in our favor.

 

How much time have you spent practicing having faith or self-confidence in you? No matter what it looks like how much time have you spent still believing in you? Now when you ask yourself the question, if the answer is I try but……. then I’m going to encourage you to let go of the “but”. Using the word but in that context immediately places doubt in your faith. Try using “and” instead. Let me give you an example and I don’t want you to think about the difference this time I was you to feel the difference. I want to get promoted but I don’t think my boss likes me. Now try, I want to get promoted and I’m going toward making it happen. Which one feels better. Which one are you most likely to take action from?

 

Here’s the thing. I can teach you all the career things. How to make more money, get promoted, negotiate, speak in front of people…..all of it and I will. Here’s the truth though, when it’s time to go execute you won’t because you will feel everything but self-confident. This is what makes The Confident Career Collective unique. It combines the inner work with the outer actions to create optimal performance and success.

 

It doesn’t matter where you are in your career. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to practice having faith in yourself and take one step toward your goals. That’s what creates self-confidence.  I invite you to join the Confident Career Collective today and I’ll help you keep taking steps toward everything you desire. To join CCC go to sisyouareworthy.com and in the top right corner click “Join the Collective”. I’ll see you inside.

 

Sis You Are Worthy and all that is required is your faith in you.

 

I love you sis.

 

Let’s Get to work.

I heard from many of you all that you still needed a budget friendly option. So, I’m providing a tap-in and get started price point this time around. With that said, one of the areas I’ve been working to build out is what I wanted the community aspect to look and feel like. Imagine having some place to go where you can get career and confidence mentoring and coaching on a daily basis, learn exactly what skills you need to work on to get promoted and have a supporting environment that will love you but hold you accountability. No matter which price point you choose the value you’re going to get for the money is ridiculous. So, I’ve removed all the road blocks to making myself and resources available to you. So don’t blame me if you find yourself in the same place a year from now. It’s time to tap into building your confidence so you can finally go get want you want. No one is coming to save you and the man isn’t going to change what’s working for him. So you have to decide if you are going to stay stuck or pivot. No matter where you are in the process it’s neve too late to turn your situation around. I’ve got you.

When you think about blame and work it can be easy to do without even realizing it. Most workplace cultures have become toxic, from the perspective of everyone is complaining and blaming everyone else all day. Think about how many times a day you complain about your boss, the idiot in the meeting, or your co-worker who is always trying to kiss the boss’s, well you know. Now think about how much time or how many times your day is interrupted with someone calling you or coming by your desk to tell you about their problems? We’ve created and overall workforce where no one, including you sis is taking responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions.

How this could happen makes sense though. You spend a lot of time at work. No one taught any of us growing up how to manage our minds or emotions. Plus, there’s typically no one to groom you or verse you in the art of navigating corporate America. So, you feed into the negativity machine and now you feel bad, frustrated, defeated, undervalued, unseen, heard or appreciated. And it just snowballs from their because when your frustrated you’re not really committed to showing up as your best self or producing at your highest level. So, the cycle just keeps going.

The result of being caught up in the negativity cycle is that the result you are creating is a negative energy in the atmosphere. You are producing a negative result without even realizing it. When it comes to your career it can be easy to blame others for things that have happened to you or the things that haven’t happened for you. We especially like to blame our “BOSS”. I know I have done this in my career. In fact during the most difficult period where I had what I would categorize as a psychotic boss I blamed him. I knew for sure that I didn’t do anything to him to make him treat me in such a way. In my mind he was the reason I didn’t get promoted not once but at least twice. He was literally dragging my reputation through the mud and telling leadership that I was incompetent, that I didn’t have any skills and so much more. But here is what I want you to know. The longer I blamed him the longer I was the one who looked crazy and was spinning out of control because I didn’t have control of my emotions, he did. How I felt on any given day was based on what he did or said to me. Therefore, he had all the perceived power and I was helpless.

Sis, Sis, listen to me. The way you take back your power is to step into emotional adulthood. Emotional adulthood means you take responsibility for how you feel, you don’t expect others to make you feel secure and it’s understanding that you are the only one who can hurt your feelings and that happens based on how you are thinking about the circumstance.

You taking responsibility for your feelings and emotions does not mean that you are accepting other people’s behaviors or that they shouldn’t be held accountable for them. To blame someone else is to accused them of doing something wrong. The result of blame is you become a victim and powerless. When you are accountable and take responsibility for yourself you are then empowered and have the ability to change the outcome.

The psycho boss was performing psychological warfare on me and I didn’t even know it. I had never experienced it. Would I had willingly signed up for this experience, hell to the no. However, was that experience meant for me, Yes. That experience is why I know how to help you. It’s why I understand you and know without shadow of a doubt that it’s possible for you to confidently take back your power, have clarity and be in control of your career.

I learned so much from that boss. Yes, the same boss who during a staff meeting, in a room filled with about 10-15 white people, I of course being the only person of color and not to mention an additional 10-20 people on the conference line, commences to telling us a story about listening to 90’s Hip-Hop over the weekend, with his daughter, he mentions a few of the songs they listened to and then he looks at me and says “Anita, are you down with OPP?” That Part! You could hear the gasps and air suck out the room and he knew exactly what he was doing. He was a master at smoke and mirrors. He not only demeaned me, my character, but he planted a seed in the minds of others about who I was or what I presumably was willing to do and he couched it in a seemingly fun positive story about him and his daughter.

I’m not sharing that story with you for you to feel sorry for me. Don’t because I’m not a victim. Did I take a gut punch? For sure. But that was also the day I was forced to dig deeper and I remembered that “no weapons formed against me shall prosper, I am more than a conqueror”. That was the day I decided I wasn’t going to just continue to sit their and take it. That I needed to save myself and stop blaming him. He wasn’t about to change or stop coming for me.

Once I understood I wasn’t powerless, once I understood that he didn’t control the who company or my every move, once I learned the concepts I’m sharing with you and was able to manage my emotions it was on and poppin. Working for that boss produced one of the biggest growth periods in my career. During that time, I learned:
• He understood my value better than I did. I was a natural threat. Meaning I was just being me and it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. I was wrong. Anytime someone else understands who you are and what you are capable of creating, it leaves you exposed to be manipulated, exploited or sabotaged.
• How to build relationships with people. Even though the context for which I learned this skill was based on him providing negative feedback about me, it was the best gift he could have given me. Again, no weapons formed. This boss of course was really good at relationships. This is how he was able to create a narrative about me that wasn’t true. In retrospect, I made that part easy for him because I had not created a multi-level network of my own. Even though, I had been told to do so earlier in my career. If, people don’t know who you are they will believe what others say about you.
• I had to learn how to create my own lane of exposure. When you are allowing someone else to manage your emotions then you get distracted by that. When you manage your emotions you can create and navigate with ease. I have created a new role and promotion opportunity for myself at least twice in my career and in different companies. Think about it like this, If there is an accident in the lane your currently in on the highway and you can’t get pass the roadblock then you won’t just sit there. You first instinct will be to look for a means to get around it. The same concept applies at work.

I create my own opportunities and you can do the same. The time of blaming others or believing them when you know in your gut it’s not true is over. We take back control of our emotions and start walking in who we are called to be from this point forward sis.

Next week the doors to the Confident Career Collective will open and I will be teaching you the exact steps, you need to take to get pass your fear, break down the patriarchal programming that has you operating at only a fraction of your capability and how to tap into your confidence so you can go after what you want. The month of September inside the collective is all all about being Confident at work. I’ll see you there. No excuses.

Sis you are worthy and when you own your emotions you control your destiny.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work!

Tuday Sis! Today, I want to talk about the saying “Black people have to work twice as hard, to have half of what they have”. It’s my perspective that this saying, entails two beliefs that are at this point generational curses and I encourage us as a people to break the cycle of installing this message into our children. This statement creates a belief system that does not move us forward. In fact, the result it produces is acceptance of mistreatment, lack, overworking, resentment and additional unintended actions, that I for one don’t want to pass down to my children. I don’t want them to believe work or money has to be hard. I don’t want to instill in my children that they are less than or ½ of a respectable or worthy human being because they are not white. I don’t want to instill in them that it’s ok that they have to work twice as hard because it’s what people who believe they are inferior have to do or that it’s ok that they only receive ½ compensation because they are inferior. I’m not doing it!

This message came to me as I was thinking about Black Woman Equal Pay Day which was Tuesday, August 3rd. When I thought about the gap which equates to Black Women receiving approximately .63 cents to every one dollar our white male counterparts receive I started to ask all type of questions in my head. But ultimately, I was preparing for a panel discussion that I hosted that evening and if you missed it you missed a good one. We discussed everything from how to make more money, knowing your worth, negotiating and more. It really was sooooo good. The overarching focus was on how we can close the gap and make more money.

Here’s what I want to offer:
Stop chasing what they have! You are not leading if you are chasing. You are always going to be behind if the primary objective is to get what someone else has or to get something from somebody else.

Better yet.

Let me ask you: Do you want what they have? Do we as a collective want what they have?

Just think about it for a moment.

If we consciously think about what they have what is it exactly?

I’ll wait.

Is what you want the money that they have?

It’s a false narrative that Black People don’t have money. Not having money and being programmed to misuse or misunderstand how to leverage money are not the same thing. As long as Black people are creators which is in our DNA, we will be able to produce money or currency.

Is what you want the title and positions that they have?
A title and forward progression will always come to those who lead. People are attracted to leaders, to people who are being there true selves because they aspire to be their true selves. To people who let their light shine because people will always be pulled toward the light. When you are chasing a title or position and are tying it to who you are it creates a false sense of self or ego. If what you want is to build your self-worth and confidence on arrogance because that’s what egos create then chasing what they have is a way to do that. Just know it’s arrogance you’ve achieved and you will constantly need people and things outside of you to maintain a false sense of self. True self-confidence comes from within you and not from a title some one gave you.

Is what you want that they have is approval, acceptance or validation of who you are what you are capable of?
Sis, I say this with love. That’s not their job it’s yours. Furthermore, the people that broke you, their objective is not to fix you. It’s to leave you in pieces so that you will conform, accept, obey, and be grateful for what is offered to you not for you to get what they have.

Is what you want the power that they have?
Yeah, I know you believe that they have it all, that they decide, dictate, determine all the things but it’s not true. That’s simply the story you’re telling yourself. In part because they’ve made it appear that way but by relinquishing your power to them allows you to blame them for your circumstance instead of owning your power of choice which might mean making hard decisions. When you think about power I want you to consider that they don’t have any real power over you. What they have is rulership by fear. Fear and power are not the same. History tells us that empires ruled by fear will eventually fall. When you have had enough, when we have had enough and tap into the divine power we hold within us as Black people we’ll understand that not only do we not want what they have, we don’t need it.

You don’t need their permission to be you. You don’t need their permission to shine bright. You don’t need their permission to negotiate for more. More money, more time off because you work harder than every one else. You don’t need their permission to institute boundaries. You don’t need their permission to hold mental space and energy for you and your family. You don’t need to go back to school to prove your worth.

All you need do sis, is to truly, like deep down and with all your being believe that you are enough, that you are worthy and that everything is happening for your good. Once you believe it then you will embody unstoppable confidence. You won’t think twice about asking for what you want, You won’t hesitate to walk away if they don’t come correct. you’ll know how to articulate the value you bring to the marketplace; you won’t spend your days upset about what they are doing because you’ll be on another level. Promotion, opportunity, money flows to you when you understand who you are and stop waiting for others to validate or affirm you. What they have might look nice but the truth is it won’t quiet that pull that you feel on the inside that you are meant for more. It won’t quiet the noise in your mind that’s telling you that you’re not good enough. Coaching and Mentoring Black Women on how to have unstoppable confidence is what we do in the Confident Career Collective. Are you ready to be unstoppable?

Sis you are worthy and you don’t need what they have. You are so much more.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

This topic of Black mental health, managing your mind, taking back your power is a part of what I consistently talk about on this podcast and with the women that I coach and mentor. A big part of the reason that I do place a focus on managing your career starting first with managing your mind is because I know personally the toll Corporate America, the pressure, and all the things that come with it took on me both mentally and physically. It is one of the main reasons I chose to walk away from Corporate America earlier this year.

If you follow me on social media then you’ve likely seen posts where I’ve talked about and coined the phrase Black Girl Sabbatical.
A Black Girl Sabbatical is an extended break from work with the purpose of breaking the stronghold that work has over your life. During the sabbatical it gives you the space to gain clarity, re-energize, rest, reconnect with yourself, and find peace and joy in your life.

I have known that I was going to leave Corporate America for a few years, so to be transparent I chose not to just jump out there. During that time I had been working the plan for my Black Girl Sabbatical. My plan included saving enough money to where I could maintain my lifestyle and build a business for at least a year without worrying about money. In my original plan, I was to leave my job last year but then the pandemic hit and in my case I was offered more money and support to stay. So, I stayed, but let me share that in retrospect I would have benefited from taking even a mini–Black Girl Sabbatical before starting such a commitment. That decision coupled with working from home, not having many options for ways to get out of the house led to 2020 almost taking me out mentally. Work wasn’t the only factor but it attributed to 60-70% of my mental anguish. These gaps you see in podcast dates despite my heart or intention to deliver them weekly is me dealing with a shit storm at work that included working 7 days a week and 80-100hrs from May to September of last year. This level of overworking can only lead to a breakdown or burnout. Taking a break or Sabbatical has nothing to do with being strong. Strong when it comes to Black Women is just a hyped-up code word that was created to keep us going even when we are under duress. In the end though strong things break and I most certainly almost did.

While this is a glimpse of what it was for me, there are several reasons you might want to take a break from work. It could be that you:

• Are In a constant state of fatigue and exhaustion so much so that one cup of coffee is not even giving you a little bit of energy.
• Feel lost and confused because you no longer know who you are or how it’s come this when reflecting on your career.
• Are over the drama, trauma or whiteness that has you in a state of defeat, depression or anxiety all of the time.
• Thought this was the career of your dreams but you no longer love it
• Feel unfulfilled and want something more or just to live life on your own terms
Please know that the only thing stopping you is you and your beliefs about why you can’t take a Black Girl Sabbatical. For me, even once I left corporate America I had thoughts like “I can’t just not do this in my business or if I slow down then I somehow I would be missing out”. The reality is my brain was trying to go into scarcity thinking but what I found is that even when I listened to it I just didn’t have anything more to give so I still wasn’t showing up as my best self. When you can put your wellbeing first then everything else is abundance.

When you start to think about taking a break from work you will start to tell yourself all the reasons why not. So let’s discuss a couple of them.
One thought that might come to you is “I can’t afford it”. Our brains as Black Women will inevitably go to money at some point in this process because we’ve been groomed to believe it’s scarce. It’s not. Not only is money abundant but so are jobs. Before you believe this thought or any of them question it. Have you looked at your income and expenses? What financial obligation is in the way of you taking a sabbatical and how can you remove it? Don’t be so quick to let yourself off the hook for creating the life you really want.

Another thought that might come up for you is generational programming. It’s the programming that is tied to all the sub thoughts if you will. You know the ones that say “You don’t leave a good job” or “You should be grateful for that good job” or “You don’t leave one job until you have another one”. These thoughts may have been useful for past generations based on the times and constraints they encountered. These are thoughts though not facts. They are opinions that at one point may have kept you safe but in today’s world they are limiting your belief, that more is possible for you. There are endless opportunities and possibilities out there. It’s only ever limited by what you believe is possible.

The last set of thoughts that might come up is what you think about other people’s opinion of your choice. So keeping in mind that we all have the same programming I just mentioned, it is likely that the people are going to have questions, opinions or something to say about your choice to take a Sabbatical. Like everything else some people won’t understand and others will relate or support you. None of that matters. All that matters is what you think and believe is the best approach to restoring you back to a state of wellbeing that allows you to experience life in a way that you want and makes you happy. Whatever you believe is right for you is what you will manifest. Doing what other people want you to do over your own desire manifests resentment.

If you are considering a Black Girl Sabbatical you can start by:
1. Creating a Plan – I understand that there’re are times when we’ve reached our limits and past the point of planning so we just walk away from a job. What I want us to do is to try and get ahead of reaching that point. A way to do that is to create a plan. A plan will increase your confidence that everything will be fine, that you will be ok and increase your ability to relax and enjoy the sabbatical. Items to consider in your plan is the length of your break. My recommendation is 90 days but it can be as long as a year or as short as 6 weeks. You also want to consider finances including expenses, play money, healthcare and life insurance. All of these variables will be different for each of you so it’s ok if your plan is different than someone else’s.
2. Get a Coach or Therapist who can support you through the process of self-exploration, healing, recovery and planning for the future. Having someone to vent to, guide you through your emotions and then help you decide if you want to go back to work, be entrepreneur or take more time will give you a safe place to do so.

If you are at the place of feeling stuck, unfulfilled, experiencing work PTSD or trauma or burnout then a Black Girl Sabbatical can help. Remember that you have multiple relationships when it comes to work. One with the organization, then second the people but you also have a relationship with the work itself. If you think of work like a relationship with a person that you loved but was toxic and the relationship no longer served you…you wouldn’t break-up with the person and still live in the same house. That would make it incredibly difficult and not only hard to bear but hard to heal, right. The same concept applies to an organization, its work or its people. Sometimes the best remedy is putting some space between you and the source of your pain or frustration.

I want all of you to stay open to thinking about a Black Girl Sabbatical because even introducing the thought can be a healing and insightful process. As you think about it, it’ll bring to the surface your limiting beliefs about what’s possible. It’ll cause you to take inventory of what’s important to you. As a part of this process, you will determine how important you are to you. Sis, there is no one who can love you and care for you better than you.

I want to close out today’s episode with inviting you to join me tonight at 7pm Eastern for Confidence Convos w/Anita! It’s completely free. Tonight’s conversation is on “Does what people think about you matter and does what they say to you have an impact you?”

You can get the link by going to sisyouareworthy.com and clicking where applicable to get the link.

Sis you are worthy and having your own back is a form of strength.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

The reason you want to be aware of the feedback you’ve internalized is because if it is not intentionally addressed it has the capacity to take you down a path of self-doubt, confusion, despair and all the feelings that create stagnation in your career and ultimately can act as a mechanism to further disconnect you from who you are and the version of you who is ready to evolve into next level greatness.

When you receive feedback in the workplace and what you make the feedback, which includes micro-aggressions, performance reviews, racist comments and general snide remarks mean about who you are, the content of your character and your ability to reach your goals will determine the amount of time, the pace and likelihood that you reach your fullest potential.
Let me be clear that your fullest potential far exceeds what you think is possible but not what they know is possible.

A couple of weeks ago I was had the most beautiful conversation with a Sista. She’s tells me that the company she worked for has been bought out. and under the new company her role, title and hours have changed. Not to her liking or benefit. She shares more with me about what’s happening in her day-to-day, how they want her to do more than her new role requires but won’t give her the role and then we move into talking about what she wants for herself going forward. She states that she is in this process of self-evaluation or self-reflection if you will and the conversation continues.

I let her know that I completely understood all the things and her experience but I wanted to take the opportunity to go back to the statement she made about being in a phase of self-evaluation. She said it as if it was no big deal, but I knew differently, so I didn’t want to skip past it. Black women love to stay in the process of active, focused, growth-based learning and the energy you give me from that place is different. So, when I hear you tell me sis that you are in the process of self-discovery, reflection or whatever term you would like to put in its place for what ultimately is picking yourself a part in an unhealthy manner, I know it’s due to some form of Feedback you’ve Internalized. Now, had the pretext for the conversation been self-evaluation based on proactive career growth from the place that things are good at work and I’m wanting to level up ahead of time then that’s a different discussion. You feel me.

That’s not the case in this scenario, so I tell her be careful with going down the path of self-evaluation based on something someone said to you.
At the point in our conversation that I said this to her, nowhere had she provided commentary about how her performance.

But guess what? Sure enough, this is exactly what had taken place. She responds and tell me that during the transition at work she received a phone call where a kind white man told her that they knew she could do the job but ultimately it was her “How” or people skills that needed work.

After our call, I gave thought as to why feedback didn’t naturally come up in the conversation. What came to me is that Feedback is one of those topics that is easy to dismiss or requires a great deal of vulnerability that you likely struggle with tapping into. I imagine that from her perspective and for many of you the feedback is among the many random things that happen at work but what I help you see as your coach is that the feedback is the charcoal on your grill. It’s the foundation. It was easy to dismiss it because it wasn’t painful enough. Feedback in and of itself doesn’t impact your immediate livelihood. That is until someone throws lighter fluid on it and you get passed over for a promotion, demoted or some other foolishness that takes place in the days of our lives at work. The match though that sets it all on fire isn’t them. It’s you. It’s all the negative thoughts you have about you that gives the fire on the grill life and fuels it. Their words mean nothing until you give it meaning.

If you’ve been told you’re too direct, demanding, aggressive, harsh, rub people the wrong way, need to be a little softer or something similar raise your hand. Y’all can’t see it but my hand is raised.

Feedback Internalized is when someone gives you feedback whether you asked for it or not and you make it mean something negative about you. Many times, we avoid dealing with the feedback because it doesn’t feel good but failing to address it prolongs the symptoms and depth for which you internalize the feedback without even noticing it.

Like your brain literally takes you down a path, where the little voice in your head, goes wild with negative thoughts about who you are, what your capable of, wrapped up in the patriarchal whiteness of what it means to be Black and a woman.

At some point in your career feedback triggers unprocessed emotions and thoughts that maybe what other people have said about you is true. Even though, sometimes you were able to brush the feedback off you didn’t resolve it or reconcile it within you. It’s more likely even, that you suppressed it in order to keep moving.

Now though, when you receive feedback about your character it triggers you because it’s likely you’re at a place where you feel stuck or don’t like what’s happening. See before you could brush it off because your defense system, your hustle mindset, your scarcity mindset could focus on hope, it could see the progress you were making and convince you to keep your eye on the prize (i.e., more money, promotion, etc.). Ain’t nobody got time to be worrying about what white people think when mission number one is survival. It’s only when survival is reached or threatened that we (yes you sis) get to self-evaluation in the context of this podcast. It’s why we are always running and behind. In order to get ahead you have to move from defense to offense.

I want you to spend your time evolving proactively into the person you were meant to be, your authentic self and not the person you think you need to be based on your boss or someone at work feedback.

Feedback Internalized and unchecked can be dangerous and is not the place you want to start, when the goal you truly desire is really positive growth, to be accepted, appreciated and valued for who you are not who they want you to be.

When you react to Feedback Internalized it’s because it triggered a negative emotion and you’re trying to fix it.

You don’t need to be fixed sis. You are not broken. You are human.

Nothing has gone wrong with you!

As a people we are not taught the soft skill of how to gracefully lead and interact with others. It doesn’t matter who the others are.

Our hard skills such as our technical capabilities, abilities to problem solve, understand new and dynamic information is inherent to our DNA and our environment. It’s why it comes easy to us at work.

Our foundation for etiquette, grace and love for how we must act comes from the initial programming we received as children and was given to us by the church, our elders and white people.

That foundation, the one for interacting with other humans is based in fear, scarcity, limiting beliefs and judgement. We are either afraid or judging. From teaching our kids to be afraid of the police to judging every decision our Sista makes as if all of our life choices have been perfect or need to be perfect in the eyes of whiteness.

Nowhere, (except here on this podcast and in the confident career collective) do we talk or teach about soft skills such as how to influence, motivate, engage, love, lead, connect, or understand people all while being true to yourself.

There is a difference between thinking that who I am as a person needs to change in order for me to be liked or accepted versus, I want to learn a new skill such as emotional intelligence that I can leverage as a tool being who I am.

Here is the work sis!

Remember that people will follow you and remember you based on how you made them feel.

What you said and how you said it only matters when the feeling you had or they had created negative energy and emotion. When receiving feedback take the opportunity to:

1. Evaluate the feedback objectively. What someone says is a circumstance and you get to think, feel, and do whatever you want about it. Ask yourself useful questions? An example could be: Is it true?
2. Process It!
For example, I’ve been told I’m direct. If I ask myself, is it true the answer would be yes.
3. Decide what you want to do with the information. – I’ve decided that being direct is a part of who I am. I don’t want to not be direct. Trust me I’ve tried. It’s how I know it when you’re trying to evaluate yourself not from growth and evolution but from self-doubt and lack. There is nothing wrong with me or me being direct. Human beings are different. It’s a yes for me when it comes to being direct, strong willed, opinionated as well as all the areas of who I am that I want to grow. When you know who you are it makes it a whole lot harder for others to create self-doubt within you. Decide if there’s an opportunity for you to level- up from the feedback or if you should let it go.

There’s a lesson in everything. How can you use the situation that originally created self-doubt as an opportunity?

As you move throughout your day and career, keep in mind that most feedback is like that essay you wrote for English class. It’s subjective. Just because another person has a thought or opinion about you doesn’t make it a fact or the truth about who you are. Stop internalizing feedback that doesn’t serve you. Evaluate it, Process it, then Decide if you are using it to level up or if you are letting it go. Don’t spend time going down a rabbit hole or spinning out because the feedback you received has you confused and trying to be someone you’re not. The best version of you is always the version of you who is true and alignment with you.

If you’ve received feedback that has taken you down a path of negative self-talk, is creating self-doubt or has you feeling stuck because you’re NOT who they say you are or you don’t want to be who they say you need to be, then reach out to me at sisyouareworthy.com. Let’s talk about how I can help you stand firm, in knowing who you are is enough and have the confidence to know when what someone says matters and when to use it to level up.

Sis you are worthy and what somebody says doesn’t change your worth.
I love you sis.

Let’s get to work.

I’ve thought a lot about what’s changed and what still needs evaluating, cultivating and maturing both in our work environment and within us. We can’t leave our destiny to them.

So, know that I’m always thinking about you sis. About what it means to create an environment where Black Women feel so confident at work that it’s revolutionary and we don’t give two fucks about whose big mad.

Today though we are going to talk about Mentorship.

Being a part of a mentorship is a pivotal way to increase your knowledge, grow your career and change the experience you have in the workplace.

Mentorship involves the influence, guidance, or direction given by a mentor. In a work setting, a mentor influences the personal and professional growth of a mentee (that’s you sis). Most traditional mentorships involve having senior person based on the combination of title and experience mentor a more junior person, but mentors do not necessarily have to be more senior than the people they mentor. What matters is that the mentor has experience that you can learn from.

To go a step further on how a mentor can increase your success, I want you to think of them as a gateway or a vehicle that helps you get from point a-to-b in the most efficient and effective manner possible.

As an example, let’s think of your mentor as an elevator. An elevator helps you get from one point to another more efficiently and effectively, right. If the goal you want to achieve is to be at the top of the organization, let’s pretend that means you need to get promoted enough times to end up on the top floor of a 15-story building. Your mentor acts in the capacity of the elevator in this example. They are there to help you navigate the people, politics and situations that arise in a manner that helps you get to your desired result faster.

Faster than what? The stairs, which equates to you trying to get there on your own. The elevator(mentor) is typically always going to be faster than you taking the stairs. You may still make it to the top using the stairs but the experience is going to be different. See when you take the stairs and go at it alone, there’s going to be the days where you get kicked back down the stairs, now you’re hurt and stuck in the stairwell, alone. There’s not only that but maybe you’re out of shape meaning you didn’t think it would take this much to get to the top, so with each level you climb you get winded. you’re out of breath and you’re tired so you don’t show up as your best self. Your agitated with people or you’re checked out and just trying to survive. This version of you is typically not promotable. You feel me? If you make it to the top, you might be stronger but you’ll also have the battle scars.

Meanwhile if I take the elevator meaning l have a mentor, if I have a setback, I’m given grace so maybe I have to get off on a floor that’s before my desired destination but somebody is going to come back for me. Not only that one of the most under-rated benefits of having a mentor is access to their connections. Yes, their advice is wonderful but their connections are even better.

Let me tell you why. When you have a great mentor, they are giving you advice based on their experience which includes: 1. their understanding of how to deal with a situation based on the people involved 2. The ability to leverage their name when dealing with the people involved because it provides You grace and coverage you don’t have by yourself. And 3. Based on what you need done or for the next level they have the connection to make introductions for you. Yes, you can reach out to anyone you want but if John (that’s your imaginary mentors name by the way) tells Kelly that he’s been mentoring you and you would be a great fit for her team that’s next level ISH and your chances of getting to your desired result, which was promoted to the highest levels remember have increased tremendously.

Another example to help you understand the difference a mentor makes is when a telemarketer calls you. We all love when a random person calls and is like hey Anita this is Tammy, I’m calling you because I thought you would be interested in this really cool water bottle I’m selling. My first thought is who is Tammy and why the hell is she talking like we girlfriends. You ever have that experience sis?

These are the same thoughts the person at works has when you randomly call them and tell them that they have to do some work so you can get your project done. It’s a hard sell, right?

Now let’s imagine that my mentor is the Black Girl Magic Peloton FB Group. One of the sisters in there, Qiana, posted a pic and her summer body was banging. In the caption she mentioned she drinks x amount water a day and she uses the Hidrate water bottle because it reminds you to keep drinking water throughout the day. Not only that the sisters in the group have created a subgroup around the Hidrate bottle where they support and hold each other accountable for getting their water in on a daily basis. You know I bought the bottle, right. Shout out to my sistas in the BGM peloton group.

The reason was the connection. You have more confidence in the connection. You have more confidence in your next step when you have something to pull from such as your mentors’ advice, their connections or both.

The last thing I want to share is that mentors are also gateways to Sponsors. Mentors have the ability to turn into a sponsor or advocate of yours or again put you on with another leader to act in that capacity for you. That leader would be willing to advocate for you based on the relationship and work credibility of your mentor. This is why you want a mentor and how they can help you with your career goals.

If you want a mentor but don’t know how to get one, what to discuss with them or how to leverage the relationship this is what I coach and mentor you on in the Confident Career Collective. To join go to sisyouareworthy.com and click “Join the Collective” in the top right corner.

Sis You are Worthy and it’s ok to have people that support you in reaching your career goals.

What is Opportunity Cost?
Opportunity cost is a term you may remember from economics class in school. It represents the potential benefits you miss out on when choosing one alternative over another.

A simple way to view opportunity costs is as a trade-off. Trade-offs take place in any decision that requires forgoing one option for another. Opportunity cost attempts to assign a specific figure to that trade-off. In today’s podcast I’m exploring the trade-offs of staying in your role instead of actively exploring new opportunities and moving forward.

Why is it important?
What I see happening is you defaulting to staying stuck and miserable out of fear of leaving what you have today with no consideration of the cost of staying and allowing things to continue ‘as is’. Since you haven’t factor in the cost of staying seems like the better option right.

It’s easy to measure the tangible provisions of your current job versus a future opportunity. For example:
• Working Hours
• Pay
• Health Insurance
• Other company sponsored benefits.

Tangibles are numeric and logical. It makes sense to us.

Tangibles that may be perceived as a negative cost when exploring new opportunities would be:
• Updating your resume
• Networking
• Interviewing
• Get to know new people
• Learning a new process or method

I want to offer that even though we use this as a reason to stay it’s a wash. These are activities that are also useful to your career in your current role and company. You’re just not doing it.

With that said, It’s the intangible cost that trip you up because we undervalue them. You’ve been led to believe that if you can’t measure it then it’s not as important. You think that updating your resume costs more than dealing with a difficult colleague. It doesn’t.

The majority of you are unhappy for one reason or another at work. Those reasons can range from your boss is making your life extremely difficult, it could be that you are hurting and reeling from being passed over for a promotion, maybe you no longer enjoy the work but you’re good at it so you stay.

No matter what the reason is for you, my question is not just, why are you staying but why are you staying and resisting what is. Because it’s in that resistance that you create your own suffering. Just as a quick side bar I want to tell you that suffering is optional. It’s a choice and sis that choice is self-inflicted. This life is going to give you good days and bad day no matter who you are. The suffering comes when you resist what is and then make yourself a victim. So instead of working through the matter at hand we sit in it and complain, blame, and convince ourselves that we are powerless.

I’m pointing this out because it relates to opportunity cost/ trade-off you’re making. Instead of moving forward and on to the next opportunity you’ve defaulted to resisting what is at work and accepting that suffering is a part of it. This is where we’ve come to at work. We could talk all day about all the reasons, people and situations that got you to this place but I’d rather help you see what it’s costing you. This way you can make a conscious decision for yourself and your career. Coaching is about helping you move forward.

Moving toward opportunity feels like a daunting task because you’ve convinced yourself that staying where you are at work is the best decision despite all evidence otherwise, despite your intuition, despite the fact you’ve been passed over, despite the fact that you go home and complain to husband every day, despite the fact that you’ve lost your confidence, despite being underpaid or that you are downright miserable.

This leads you to feeling stuck and conflicted. Who wants to feel that way? To make it stop you justify it by self-splaining (i.e., lying to yourself) You say my boss said I just have to be patient; you tell yourself that you owe your boss for all that they’ve done for you. You convince yourself that they will be mad at your decision. You’ve stayed so long in an unhealthy environment that now you doubt yourself so you tell yourself you’re unsure about your skills and capabilities.

There is opportunity cost or a trade-off in every decision. You have to go into the process willing to take an honest assessment in order to achieve the result you actually want.

Here are some deeper tangible & intangible examples to consider to help you determine if that “sure thing” (but it’s really not) that you hate is the best opportunity for you right now.

• The amount of time you spend suffering, complaining, being unhappy
• The guilt you feel for not spending enough time with your children
• What we lose by choosing to stay stuck and not own our power.
• The way it’s eating away at your soul

Other costs I want to encourage you to look at both in terms of choosing to stay in your current role and what another opportunity might offer

 The cost of overworking
o burning out
o The cost of not spending time with your spouse
o Health (mental, emotional, physical)
o Not taking the time to build connections with leaders, mentors and resources to move your career ahead.
o Not getting paid for those hours. When was the last time you divided your pay by the number of hours you are really working?
o Not feeling valued or appreciated
 The cost of staying and being underpaid
 The cost to your sense of self-worth and confidence

Values are just as important as pay. Where are they in your decision-making process. Are you asking yourself questions such as:
• What’s the cost to your family?
• What are you teaching your children about who they are and the power they have to create the life they want?
• What is my breakpoint or activities I find unacceptable? Your principles.

Stop believing that you aren’t deserving and suffering makes you strong.
Continuous suffering breaks you.
Take some time over this Juneteenth weekend to determine the price of your soul, health and legacy. For me it’s priceless. You only get one soul, life and legacy but jobs are a dime a dozen.

As we approach the last six months of the year, it’s time to activate your greatness. No more defaulting to suffering and being a victim. I know you can feel the urge for more, for better, tugging at your soul. It’s why you keep resisting what is. If you want to end this year with confidence and set yourself up for even more in 2022 then now is the time to move forward. I’m here if you want support with moving forward without suffering. Check me out at sisyouareworthy.com

Sis you are worthy and queens don’t indulge in suffering they rule.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

You ready? Alright, let’s jump into it.

1. Align your Goals to that of your management team & organization. You want to be able to make a direct correlation to how your success increased the success of your leadership and the company. Make sure you post your work goals/objectives in a place that is highly visible to you. You want to use them to stay focused & prioritize your day-to-day workload. If you find that the work you are doing no longer aligns with the goals you’ve been given then now is time to make updates to those goals.
2. Understand the Review Process – Mid-Year Reviews determine a lot more than you think or may be told. Every mid to large organization has some form of talent planning. Within the overarching talent planning pillar there are sub-processes. These sub-processes may include but are not limited to events like mid-year reviews, a force ranking or stacking process where you are compared against your peers and the process for fall promotions. Understand what this process is and how it works for your organization. Now I’m going to put y’all up on game and connect some dots for you. The talent planning/mid-year review process is one of the places where having a sponsor or someone to advocate for you comes into play. See what you write about your accomplishments in that review matter in the process helps you equip your manager, sponsor or whomever that person is for you to state why you rank higher than your peers, why you deserve that promotion over someone else. In a majority of mid to large size organizations all decisions including promotions, raises, and bonuses are determined or projected as an outcome of this process.
3. Make the time to document your accomplishments. This serves a couple of purposes when it comes to your personal growth. Sis, we struggle with singing our praises if you will. Because you’ve been led to believe that this is a bad trait for you as a woman or black woman to be phenomenal, we don’t practice this skill but it is so important. It is a display of confidence but it’s also a skill that has to be cultivated. If you don’t believe me watch how your manager or white colleagues introduce themselves. They start the conversation with name, title and scope of responsibility. Did y’all miss that they were practicing and cultivating the skill of telling you who they are and what they do? That’s another’s day lesson though. The ability to tell someone “why you” are all that and a slice a bread is everything weather you work in a corporate atmosphere or for yourself. The better you are at writing your review the better you will be at saying it to others.
4. When writing your review use metrics. When you are writing your review, you want to use metrics where ever you can to document your progress. All of our roles/work have something that can be measured. For example, it can be your on-time rate for meeting deadlines. If you are doing project-based work you can use on-time rate but you can also use % complete, amount of money saved directly or by avoiding additional costs to the project. For my doctors & lawyers maybe it’s billable hours, % of clients with outstanding invoices, customer satisfaction scores, etc. Once you have them documented in your review take those metrics, awards, wins, that you put in your review and add them to a running draft of your resume.
5. Career Development & Feedback – If you don’t have a plan for your career then what are you working towards? It can’t be money or a promotion. Getting promoted and making more money, getting offered new opportunities require two things. Confidence and Connections. You don’t have either one at the level that’s required without a plan. Take mid-year review process as a neutral time of year to create and review your career plan & development with your boss. This is a great time to ask for feedback in a way that does not feel uncomfortable or intimidating to either party. I don’t know anyone that’s been promoted that like “O don’t know how I got promoted” or “I don’t know why they picked me”. If someone has said that to you, they’re lying.

So, you’ve done steps one through 4 which were:
1. Align Your Goals
2. Understand the Review Process
3. Make the time to document your accomplishments
4. When writing your review use metrics

Then to wrap up the process you are going to essentially have your review. When you go into your midyear go in with the understanding that whatever is said you control your thoughts, feelings and actions about it. You have the power of choice. You get to decide what of that conversation is useful for you and what to throw away. Be aware of making something someone including your boss mean something about you. Don’t be so quick to accept their opinion as a fact or to label you.

Furthermore, a good friend of mine always says “You gotta know your home team” in references to discussions we have about our spouses but the same concept applies to your work team. Use that knowledge to discern how much you give, take and share during the process. You want to make your career goals known to your boss because absent you telling them they get to decide and write their own narrative about where you are headed or not. It also gives them the opportunity to respond. That response gives you the opportunity to determine how vested they are in you and how vested you want to be in that team, the work and the organization. This is also where you have the power to choose.

I know that the review process can be daunting but I’ve got you. I’m offering 5 free Mid-Year Strategy Review Sessions. All you have to do is go to sisyouareworthy.com and click “Mid-Year Review” to schedule your strategy session. The offer will disappear once the allotted 5 sessions have been booked so don’t wait. What do you have to lose?

Sis you are worthy and it’s time to recommit to your career goals.

I love you sis,
Let’s get to work.

Some of you, may knowingly be striving to be perfect. You may even refer to yourself as a perfectionist. That wasn’t the case for me. I never consciously performed my work with the intent of trying to make it perfect. However, perfectionism was there but for me it was masked under the vail of “Being the Best”. Doesn’t that feel better. Trying to be the best is understandable, achievable and just. Right!

But the same reason the self-aware sister is trying to be perfect is the same reason I was trying to be the best. It wasn’t about pushing to personally challenge myself, grow and bare witness to my own greatness. No, perfectionism may have increased my skillset and abilities but it also increased my arrogance. It also unknowingly became the catalyst for the standard by which I would measure, judge and criticize others. But Before you judge who I use to be…..Let me ask you, when was the last time you got upset because you deemed someone else’s work inadequate? Better yet, when was the last time you took immense pleasure in proving you were right? You knew you were right because the perfectionist characteristics you’ve bought into had you spending countless hours fact checking, doting eyes and crossing t’s just to be sure.

What is it you wanted to be sure of exactly?

On the surface it was that you would be right.

However, on a deeper level the only reason to ensure you are always right (i.e. perfect) is so that you can prove that you are smart enough to be in your role, that you belong when you’re “the only” in predominately white space because the worst thing that can happen to you, is that you are judged. For if this happens, even one time, for even the smallest of mistakes then you and I have made it mean that they are right about us.

Then we question whether we are smart enough and if we do in fact belong. This self-doubt drives us further into perfectionism or into giving up.

To not belong shakes our sense of safety and security. There’s already no body that looks like you, or has a shared culture experience or upbringing. So, you have this underlying subconscious thought that you have to keep up this perfect image in order to keep the other shoe from dropping. You would think letting go of this fear would be easier the more you progress in your career but the opposite is true. The longer you portray this image, the more you succeed utilizing a perfectionist mindset the harder it is to let it go because you’ve trained your brain to believe perfectionism is rewarded.

That is until it’s no longer rewarded and you’re confused by why you’re having a hard time growing in your career.

See one of the downsides to wanting and trying to be perfect is that black or white thinking becomes your default. There has to be a clear way to measure success or perfection. This is what allows you the ability to prove that you were right.

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate is the wisdom in some of the most basic sayings we were told as children. So many of them apply to adulthood and how we conduct ourselves at work. You know saying like “If you don’t have anything nice to say then…..that’s right……don’t say anything at all. Whew I didn’t appreciate that one at work. FYI, the truth you speak isn’t always nice and it’s not always right. What about being told to “fix your face”? I’m not even going to lie I’m still working on that one but when it comes to perfectionism the saying that comes to mind is “No one likes a know it all”. Think about the demeanor and energy know it all’s give off.

Striving to be perfect is something that we are taught very early as women and we then have added layer of perfectionism that comes at the intersectionality of us being black women.

As Black Women we have bought into perfectionism.

Here’s the deal though, perfectionism is a trap.

It’s an oppressive tool of which you can never achieve and therefore you stay on the hamster wheel that creates burnout, shame and a continuous yearning to prove you are worthy.
Yes, there are rules that we all must follow, but your perfectionist’s rules of how things should be are typically not formal or written anywhere or accepted by anyone else. On the real other people don’t even know they exist because the rules are in your head.
When you go to work today and this week remember that your value does not reside in you being perfect.

In fact, those that progress to higher levels in their careers are the ones who focus on the big picture and less about the little details.

Ever said “I don’t understand how they got promoted. They don’t even do anything”.

Focusing on the big picture is not something we do well because we are wrapped up in the details of perfectionism.

I want to offer this week 3 ways to help you break the bond you have with being perfect.

1. Stop palling or referring to yourself as a perfectionist. Every time you do that it reinforces your belief that you have to know all the answers and that making a mistake is fatal. Instead embrace your humanness and practice on purpose producing B- work. Trust me when I tell you that a Black Women’s B- is still an A to everyone else.
2. The most common word used by perfectionists is “should”. As a Perfectionists you have created this standard that governs your world so wholeheartedly that you never question them. They’ve become a part of your belief system so much that “your way” seems like it’s the only way or the right way to do things. Pay attention to your “all or nothing” thoughts, and question why something “should” be done your way. Explore the other possibilities. You don’t need to be the best in everything in order to feel like you belong and are respected.
3. Lastly, watch your thoughts and feelings when it comes to your interactions with others. Are you judging and being critical of them because of your standard of perfection? Try holding space for your boss or co-workers. Instead of judging or criticizing meet them where they are and bring them on the journey with you.

When you embrace your imperfection, you can allow room for acceptance.

It makes way for you to accept who you are. To love the beauty, complexity and flaws that comes with being an imperfect being.

You can deal with all those feelings and trauma you’ve been suppressing to maintain this picture of perfection.

You can address that if you’re not perfect, it doesn’t somehow mean that you’re not worthy or the belief that your worth and value as a black woman has somehow been diminished because you didn’t have all the answers.

When you let go of perfectionism you can also increase your faith because you’ll truly surrender to your relationship with god and let go of the need to always be in control.

When you accept that imperfection is a part of what makes you human, it will increase your capacity to embrace the humanness and imperfections of others.

It’s in that embrace that you will deepen your connection with others including your co-workers and your boss.

Relationships with deep connections is where the money resides.

Letting go of perfectionism allows you to let go of needing to prove you are worthy to others. You working hard or being right will not change whatever opinion they have about you or us but it will exhaust and stagnate you.

We are Queens or Goddesses which ever term you prefer. It doesn’t matter. What they both say to me is that you are inherently an example of grace and leadership rather than inherently inferior. Let’s write our own story and our narrative about where we belong or what we have to do to prove we belong.

Just because something wasn’t built for you doesn’t mean you don’t belong there. I belong in every room I choose to step foot in and being a perfectionist was never a requirement but rather a limitation.

Sis you are worthy and when you embrace your imperfections you embrace you.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

Nonetheless, when we think about what constitutes micromanaging we (Black Women) tend to think about the boss that’s:
1. Too involved in our work (i.e., all in our business)
2. They continuously check in to see what we are working on and where we’re at with it
3. When you do submit work, they focus on unimportant details
4. They become irritable when you make a decision without their input
5. Oh! They want to be cc’d on every email
Now you may be saying YES Sis that ish get’s on my nerve and that’s why I don’t do it. I told you I wasn’t a micromanager. They be the ones always looking over my shoulder. I know sis and I get it but as we go through this episode I want you to be open to the possibility that you may be micromanaging and try to release the judgement or preconceived notion you have about it. Now while the characteristics of micromanaging isn’t typically how we as ambitious Black women show up but it doesn’t mean that we don’t micromanage as well. It just manifests itself differently.
Let me explain.
Starting with what is a micromanager?
A Micromanager is a person who likes to control every part of a process or activity.

Now if in the circle of trust that we have here, you’re honest with yourself then it certainly could be that you like to control shit and there’s very good psychological reasons for why.

Given the challenges we face in this society, which includes the lack of resources, trauma, endless sacrifice and some generational beliefs that impact your ability to move freely it makes sense that you have associated your need to control to it being a means to ensure your safety and security.

It’s an illusion though. The genesis for micromanaging is always scarcity, lack and fear. For Black Women micro-managing show’s up more like:

1. Resistance to delegating work because you believe that in order for things to be done right you have to do it yourself
2. Looking at every detail rather than focusing on the bigger picture
3. You take on other’s work or the role of project manager even though one has been
4. Want tasks done in unrealistic timelines
5. Tell employees exactly how tasks should be done, leaving no room for creativity or initiative
It manifests itself differently in most cases than other cultures because the root of the fear and our level of responsibility is different. The reason a white boss might be hovering over you and tracking your every movement is more about controlling you. Their fear is founded in thinking we are lazy or going to outshine them. As members of what some would say the “dominate culture” they have been programmed to believe that they are better therefore you not working and them allowing it is a problem or you being smarter is a problem because it conflicts with a critical and core component of their identity. What is the identity of white people if they believe that we (specifically black people) are equal and that they are not superior? That’s not our work though. It’s theirs.

Micromanaging as a Black Woman though isn’t about controlling a person but rather all the people. You believe that you have to be perfect, that you have to know it all, and on the surface you believe you are better than them. Since Black Women have a hard time progressing we make our mark if you will by taking on project-based work or initiatives. This is where and how we attempt to control all the work and all the people so we can stay safe and our jobs will be secure. The problem though is that the foundation is still rooted in fear. It’s the fear that if I allow them to do it and it doesn’t go well then it will be a negative reflection on me and I’m trying to prove to them that I am worthy, valuable and I belong here.

Since this fear is created from lack it can’t fuel you or produce a positive result in your career.

Micromanaging not only limits your career growth it limits the growth of those around you as well. Adults don’t really like to be told what to do in the manner it comes across when you are in micromanager mode. Also, micromanaging as it plays out for Black Women is almost always guaranteed to get you pigeonholed or stuck in that role.

Right now you’re saying but if I don’t do it then it won’t get done. I want you to really evaluate that thought because you are using it to justify the control. I’ll also tell you from personal experience it’s also exhausting. Stop fighting for what you know isn’t working.

You may also be thinking, OK sis, but what do I do now.?

My answer. Lead. Leadership requires more from us than micromanaging. It requires that we are confident and on the days where we can’t muster up enough confidence we are courageous. Leadership requires transparency, vulnerability and accountability. Leadership also requires that it’s less about you and more about motivating the people to do the work and to do it well. True leaders build people and know how to leverage their strengths instead of complaining about their weaknesses.

Here’s what I know for sure. You cannot operate from lack and be confident. That feeling of lack, doubt or trying to prove you’re enough may be getting the work done and you may be exceling in that area but it doesn’t build your confidence it builds arrogance. On top of that you are also the one doing all the work, exhausted and it’s driving people away from you which is ultimately detrimental to the long term growth of your career.

When you operate from the mindset of a leader you operate from love, encouragement, kindness, mentorship and inspiration to others. You’re a visionary and people want to follow you and win with you. True leadership is confident enough to take strategic risk with the understanding that if it doesn’t work the way you expect it’s ok. It wasn’t a failure it was a learning opportunity that’s preparing you for your next big win.
It is time for you to stop operating from fear and be the leader you are called to be. In the Confident Career Collective I’m teaching my clients every day how to stop worrying about what others do or don’t do, how to make a name for themselves and lead in a way that attracts other leaders and sponsors so that they can level up in their careers and do it with less stress. If you are ready to be a confident leader reach out to me on social media or sisyouareworthy.com.

Sis you are worthy and leadership looks good on you.

I love you sis,
Let’s get to work!

Alright. It’s episode 39 and we are going to discuss a concept I call Loyalty Debt.

Loyalty debt is when you stay in a role, or position because you feel you are obligated or owe someone else because they looked out for you in some way.

Let’s break this concept down by starting with what it means to be loyal.

To be Loyal is to stay true to someone even when other things call your attention.

Debt meanwhile is an obligation that requires one party, the debtor (you in this scenario), to pay money or some other agreed-upon asset of value to the other party (the creditor/your boss) because they have provided you something in advance.

Loyalty Debt occurs when you are loyal to a boss or organization over everything else because you think you owe them because they did something that you perceive to be favor or validate you. When it comes to the debt part of the concept from a career perspective, in our minds we have created this thought that we owe some person or institution for showing us favor and allowing us to serve them.

Listen, I get the historical implications and programming as to why Loyalty Debt seems like the right thing to do, based on the foundational values we are given as black people. But when we buy into this concept, what happens is we put the job, the work, our boss over everything else including our wellbeing, our values and the ability to optimize our career in a way that aligns with our goals and desires. But the result of Loyalty Debt is stagnation, dependency, subjugation, missed opportunity and frustration.

So instead of saying family over everything we are operating from a place of my boss and this company over everything and we justify it by saying we have to, right. No! Then to add to that we operate from the place of since our boss was nice to us, gave us a raise, promoted us, gave us an opportunity to lead a project whatever it was the we are somehow forever in their debt and all I can hear in my spirit is the brainwashing of our ancestors that had them saying …… well you know Masta so good to us so I’m going keep picking this cotton for him even though my fingers are bleeding. It’s this mindset and programming that it’s time to undo. It no longer serves us.

I am personally really big on loyalty and it is a big deal in our community. I get it, but I want you to think about the role loyalty has in the workplace and further more in how you manage your career.

Let me give you an example of what this might look like at work when you and your boss are operating from a place of Loyalty Debt

There’s a new opportunity and a leader reaches out to you because they think you would be a good fit for the role. You are interested, like the role, excited to be considered but then your brain goes to well I don’t know. Let me talk to my boss they might be really upset if I were to leave. What would the team do without me? They’ve done a lot for me and I don’t want to upset them.

What!

Listen, if you are offered an opportunity and your current boss isn’t supportive then that’s all the more reason to move forward with a new role. It’s one thing if your boss is giving you the pro’s and con’s, telling you things to consider from a place of mentorship and helping you make an informed decision. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the angst and worry you feel because you are operating in the negative and with a boss who thinks of you as property that they own. These are the ones that get upset and say “you should have told me you were unhappy”, “you should have told me they reached out to you. I should have talked with them first” or “why would you leave? Haven’t I been good to you”. Ah, that part right there!

Listen, the people are going to be the people. Stop getting upset about them being who they are. The late DMX said “It takes too much energy to not trust someone. Trust them to be them but know them when you see them.” My problem, your problem, and our collective problem is that we take their word as the gospel despite evidence otherwise.

So instead of operating from a place of power and doing what’s best for you and your career you continue to sit there and hope your boss will reward you for your loyalty? Then when said boss promotes someone over you, you get upset and they pacify you by telling you that your time will come and remember when they did that one thing for you back in 02’ and you keep sitting there because…..

Loyalty Debt!

You not only think your loyalty is required to obtain favor but once said favor is received you believe you are now forever indebted to them.

It tells me that we have re-evaluate work and our contribution to it.

So, let’s evaluate and let me provide a different frame of reference for going forward.

If you’re listening to this podcast then I already know you work extra hard and you are good at what you do . That you my dear are solving the problems and making the team look good. While you know you are making a contribution and that you are smart you don’t understand the value in what you provide coupled with the fact that you don’t believe you are worthy of all that god promised you.

Here’s what I want you to know. The inherent essence of work is that it is an exchange. I am going to go to work and produce X based on my job description and in return the company is going to provide me with Y amount of monies or agreed upon something of value to me.

We want so much to be seen and validated by them that when they do we attach ourselves to them in an unhealthy way. In healthy relationships when someone does something for you the response is one of appreciation, love, acceptance, or gratitude. I am forever grateful for all the bosses I’ve had along the way who stood in the gap for me, advocated for me, increased my capacity to lead and so much more. I don’t feel indebted or like I owe any of them anything even though some of them have gone above and beyond for me for sure.

Here’s why:

I understand the value I create and that work is an exchange of said value. I understand that the Return on Investment that my boss got when he provided me that opportunity to present for the CEO was priceless to me and to him because I delivered and we walked away with the answer we wanted. It was mutually beneficial and exchange. Not only that, every time I deliver and make our team and my boss look good, value. Every time I fix a situation before it gets to them so they don’t have to deal with it, I’m providing value, every time I cover their six, I’m providing value. Our relationship is mutually beneficial. A win-win.

If your work dynamic is not mutually beneficial then it’s time to reposition, pivot, or move on. You are not an indentured servant in a suit. That is not what God meant to be your purpose or your destiny on this earth.

Back in 2016 it was one of the roughest years in my career. It was the first time I has ever experienced self-doubt and confusion and as I worked through the mess that was happening to me at work I came out of it with the understanding that White People, and White Men in particular can see your greatness even though you have no idea the magnitude for which you are capable. They do though. They’ve had 100s of years of studying everything about us and our culture. It’s how they’re able to manipulate us on a macro level so easily.

What I also understand now on a much deeper level is that I am now and have always been worthy of every experience, act of love, kindness and appreciation given to me and every material possession even as a 100% perfectly imperfect, human, woman, black woman.

There is a place for mutual respect, understanding, teamwork or even admiration if you will in the workplace. Be deliberate and thoughtful with where you place your loyalty and the energy that binds it. If the energy is of obligation and being indebted then it’s energy that at some point will hold you hostage. I want you to dream again sis, and dream big. This last year has increased opportunity and possibility on a whole new level. It’s yours for the taking but only if you are open to it. Your boss isn’t the only boss, the work you do there can be done elsewhere, challenge yourself to take a role outside of your comfort zone, get on the internet and explore what is possible. We no longer live in a day and age where we have to be confined to this one boss, this one company, this one job.

Consider this message your confirmation that your debt has been paid and your time served!

It’s time to go get it! Let’s go!

This weekend, I will be sharing a major announcement so be on the lookout for a bonus podcast with all the details.

Sis you are worthy. Our ancestors and our god paid a price for you to be free. Physically and Mentally!

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

So, I had to take a minute and recalibrate because I found myself burnout and conflicted. I was trying to hold onto the me that I said I wanted to let go of so I could step into my next evolution but man I was fighting it. With that being said, I will definitely be talking more about what’s been going on with me personally, professionally, and business wise. Just know that I haven’t stopped thinking about how I can serve you and help you build the relationships and confidence needed to navigate corporate America in a way that’s authentic to you and helps you reach your goal.

Today I want to talk about Networking & Building Relationships. There is a difference between networking and relationship building. They are not the same. You can think of networking like a meet and greet or a first date. Your just having casual conversation. The mood is lite and friendly. Now, if that goes well then you move to relationship building. This is where the magic happens. Relationship Building in corporate America is just like Relationship Building in your personal life. In order to move it forward and for you to reap the benefits of creating love, legacy, intimacy and all that good stuff the relationship has to be tending it too. You can’t call your boo once a month and expect y’all still have a relationship. You have to stay on their mind and they on your mind. That way when opportunity strikes you are thought of.

With that I created a 5-step framework to help you with Relationship Building. You’ll want to listen to the end so you can get the deets on my free Networking and Relationship Course that will walk you through these steps in more detail and even has a workbook.

Alright step #1.
1. Go Meet People – The first step to all the things is getting out there and meeting people. You want people to know your name even if you are not looking for the next promotion. Just recently, I had a leader ask me for the rundown on a particular team and as I was listing the team members, what they do, strengths and weaknesses what I noticed was every time I mentioned a Black Woman’s name the response was who? Before your mind starts to give you all the reasons for why this could be, let me say that the person making the request was a person of color and they are someone who is heavily visible and connected to. I say that to say this, if no one knows your name then they know nothing about your work product. Therefore, you can be the hardest working person on the team and you would still be the one most likely to be adversely affected by leadership decisions because they have no understanding of who you are and the value you create. Meeting people isn’t that hard. You just need to get up from your desk. Go for a walk during lunch, grab a cup a coffee from the breakroom during peak hours, go to the gym at work, schedule lunch with a colleague. I could go on.
2. Show up with Confidence – When you first start putting yourself out there it is likely you will be nervous. Your brain is going to have all type of “what if” thoughts that’s going to create feelings of anxiety, nervousness, or fear. Your brain will say “What if I say the wrong thing”, “What if they make fun of the way I talk”, What if I don’t know what to say”, What if I embarrass myself and so on. When this happens, you want to redirect your brain. You want to say to it “Nope I’m not doing this with you today”, “I’ve got this or “I may not have all the answers but I’m still doing it so let’s go”. You can still show up even when you don’t have confidence in that moment. I don’t want you to fake it until you make it because that doesn’t normally present with good energy I want you to hype yourself up and have your own back. Think about it like if you are going to the gym. You don’t really want to work out but when you turn the music on it hypes you up and it’s time to do the work. That’s the energy you want to take when you’re networking. If nothing else get out there and meet people and if the conversation is awkward just be honest and tell them you are new to this. Honesty will buy you grace.
3. Get to Know Them – So now we’ve gone out and met some people, we’re in the spot with confidence and for step 3 you want to get to know them. You want to take the opportunity to learn more about them and give them the opportunity to learn more about you. This is how connection is created and as humans we act or don’t act based on connection because it’s the connection or feeling you have with people that produces said action or inaction. Think about all the things you do for the people you love. So, if we go back to number one which was go out and meet people. If you haven’t done that and people don’t know your name then it means we have no connection and therefore I feel nothing or indifferent about you. The first thing I hear from clients when it comes to letting them get to know you is I don’t want them all up in my business. No one said you had to tell them all the things. You want to be intentional and tell them the relevant things that help them get to know you. I also want you to know that everybody wants to know who they are dealing with and the black community for sure wants to know so this is not a new or egregious request. It’s just that you think they don’t have the right or need to know but it’s likely you felt that way about all the other times people want to know the business. We immediately get defensive How many conversations have you had with your aunties and grandma and them and you’re telling them about someone and they say “who they kin too or who their people”. When you were dating as a teenager and your momma wanted to know about that little boy. You didn’t want to tell her either. Work requires the same process to occur.
4. Be Consistent – Consistency is a key to success. Doing something one time will not produce results that will sustain you or propel you forward. Networking is like planting a seed in the garden. When you meet someone the first time and introduce yourself that’s a seed. what you do next will determine if the garden grows and produce beautiful tomatoes and cucumbers that will feed you and fuel your body. Just like the garden what you do next with the networking seed you’ve planted will determine if the connection grows into a relationship that is mutually beneficial or if it dies out. The difference will be determined based on if you choose to spend the time cultivating the relationship the way you would tend to a garden or if you plant the seed and forget about it leaving the connection to fizzle away.
5. Offer to Help- Now that you have gotten out there to meet people, showed up with confidence, gotten to know them on a consistent basis, the final step is to offer to help them. If you are showing up with confidence, touching base with them consistently and actively listening to the other person it builds trust. It’s the trust that allows people to be more open. When trust is built people will tell you aalll the business just as they do in our personal lives. This provides an opportunity for you to offer to help them. Also, if the opportunity is one you believe is in alignment with your goals then it also provides a jumpstart for you to advocate for you being the person that can solve their problem. Don’t assume that because you offered a solution to a problem that people are going to automatically go to you as the person to lead the effort to solve it. Tell them why you’re the best person.

Simply put networking is nothing more than going out and finding your people. You’ll know your people because they’ll speak your language, there will be a spark or natural connection.. Everybody is not going to be or meant to be your people. We understand the concept that everybody is not your people logically but we don’t accept it. It’s hard to accept because we make it about us and our ego tells us that everybody should love us and when they don’t we internalize it in a negative way. Most times we only come to accept it after we’ve learned the lesson in a hard or painful way, instead of saying we don’t mesh and that’s ok.

This concept applies not only to your personal friendships but to your business and corporate environment as well. We increase our suffering when we choose to resist instead of accept. Every Boss, leader, or manager is not going to be the best for you. Instead of sitting their upset, learn what you can and avoid the suffering by going to find your people.

If you want to learn more about my 5 step Networking & Relationship that I covered today, I’ve created a free mini course to help you map out a strategy, be intentional and build the relationships you need to reach your goals. You can get the course by going to https://sisyouareworthy.com/the-net5-framework/. I’ll also place the link in the show notes and on FB and Clubhouse.

Sis you are worthy so get to know people and let them get to see you. You’re magical!

I love you!

Let’s get to work

I mean my heart is still full and bursting with such gratitude. I took away so many good gems but the best part was having that connection and remembering what it feels like to be around our culture, to connect with sistas, to be able to walk in my purpose and what it reignited and replenished in my soul.

I want to talk about what happen when we tell ourselves that “we don’t like people” why we say it and what might we do instead. For the purposes of this episode when I say “I don’t like People’ I’m referring to all the people versus I don’t like a specific co-worker. Other examples of this same class of thinking shall we say is “People get on my nerve” ‘People are the worst” “I can’t stand people” or “Using I’m an introvert as a means of creating a more politically correct response for not dealing with people and because I love y’all, I’m going to put t the communal or trending statement “Black men ain’t ish” in this class of statements where we write all or a whole group of people off in our minds. All of these statements though are just thoughts. They are thoughts that have been replaying in our mind to point that we believe that they are true. We all have heard that words have power or words have a way of bringing circumstances to life, right. Well Words have power because they are a reflection of our thinking and we know that it’s our thinking, creates our feeling that drives us to do something or to do nothing and that produces our result. If we don’t like people, then then the action we take is to avoid them right. So, we don’t speak to our Sista when we see her, we don’t interact with our colleagues, we walk into places with a look on our face that says do not speak to me I do. Not, want to be bothered..

If you were to take a moment though and dig deep past that brick wall that you’ve created to protect your feelings and go back to the moment when you came to that thought of not liking people, it is very likely came about as a response to experiencing an unwanted emotion. The circumstance that triggered this thought may have only happened once or a multitude of times but based on the sum of those experiences it led you to what the thought “I don’t like people” and you began to build a story around it. Maybe you don’t like people because you grew up in an abusive environment and that led to abusive relationships playing out in your adult life and a mistrust for people. Maybe it was a man that you loved who hurt you and you decided in that moment that all men or people were cut-off because you never wanted to feel that pain again. Or was it the time someone at work told you they were surprised at how articulate you were or that time when you were passed over for a promotion. Whatever, it was for you, there came a point in your life where based on a circumstance you walked away with the thought that you no longer liked people.

So now that we’ve bought into the story of not liking people, I imagine that when you walk into work in the morning you have the “I wish a person would” face on, mean mugging talking about I’m not a morning person or What do you want me to do walk around smiling all the time? The answer is Yes. When you are happy on the inside your demeanor is different. That happiness exudes through you and you can’t contain it. Listen, I understand how we get to this place because these are the thoughts I used to tell myself as well and then be annoyed with everyone else. I mean the audacity of them to care enough to ask me why I’m looking mean with the intent of wanting to make sure everything is ok.

To take that a step further and like the preacher on Sunday some of yall might get mad at me but sis you are angry and I know you can’t see it because I couldn’t see it. Now for my sisters sitting in the pews, fanning yourselves, whispering Oh no she didn’t say I was the “angry black woman”! Yes, Yes I did and I don’t say it lightly or as an insult or for you to feel judged or shamed. I’m telling you for awareness. I’m telling you that that pain you are carrying around that’s been suppressed deep in your soul, that pain and disappointment is impacting how you show up whether you intend for it to or not. Let’s be real you are angry but y’all don’t hear me though. Emotions are like, waves or your cycle, they are meant to flow through you but instead of allowing that process to happen we have trapped those emotions inside of our bodies. Not only have we trapped the emotions but we’ve trapped all the negative emotions because we allow the good ones to flow through us, right. Somewhere along the line we were taught to push down our emotions as a mechanism to survive but your body wasn’t designed to hold them so at some point we unconsciously start to behave or act out based on those feelings trapped inside our body. It’s like a teenager who is acting out and when you ask them why “they respond with I don’t know” and as adults we get frustrated by this but they are just reacting the emotions going on inside them because they don’t know how to process them. These trapped emotions then begin to cause us health issues, like high blood pressure because we’ve internalized the emotions and our bodies are sending up flares and warning signs but we keep doing it anyway until, ……..until we recognize that it’s not everyone else, it’s you who has to change your thinking and mindset. It’s you sis, who has to put yourself first and take the time to process your emotions and no that it’s ok. The longer you avoid them the more you increase your suffering and the longer it will take for you to feel better and level up.

what we are really saying When we tell ourselves, that we don’t like people, is that I don’t want to have the human experience of interacting or relying on people because someone in my past did something to hurt or disappointment me so now I have to protect myself from people. It is a statement that in the moment feels justified because we use it as a mechanism to protect ourselves but in reality it just creates a different kind of pain. Well, what kind of pain you ask? it’s the kind that comes from isolation and the subsequent thoughts that create feelings of loneliness, like you’re not enough, like your un-lovable and self-doubt. When you write people off in your mind, your brain immediately goes about the business of finding evidence to support that thought and the more we think a thought the more we internalize it until it feels real and becomes a part of our belief system. Meanwhile sis, since you’ve isolated yourself, there’s no one that can get close enough to you to show that not all humans are the same or to offer you a different perspective.

The truth is, the human experience can be messy with lots of emotions that are meant to be a part of that experience. There can be moments of grief, heartbreak and disappointment but there are also moments of joy, happiness, love and abundance. Life is 50/50. 50% good. 50% bad. If it wasn’t you wouldn’t know what good or happy felt like.

If you were honest with yourself and were willing to allow your emotions instead of suppressing them, then you would be open instead of guarded, open to the idea that You do want human connection, you do want to be included and feel like you belong at work. You do want to have thoughts of love. Love, not just for other people but also for yourself. See when you close yourself off to people you also close yourself off to who you are.

How do you move forward from here? The answer is self-reflection. Take a moment to sit down and self-reflect. Try to reflect on your part of the result you’re creating. Look at your actions. You may find that you are separating yourself from others instead of them putting you to the side. Ask yourself why? Then Ask yourself do you want to keep believing the thought I don’t like people and is it serving you.

Did you know that 70% of what you learn is through experience? Did you also know that 70-80% of people who get hired and promoted do so based on the people they know? Therefore, when you cut yourself off from people you also limit your options for growth.

There’s a saying that goes “If you want to go fast you go alone but if you want to go far together”. Hashtag relationship goals extends beyond man and woman but to all areas of our lives. To bring this home, I’ll leave you with the alternative thought, I’m open to experiencing all that life has to offer”. To get that experience there’s a level of interaction that takes place with others. I want you to dig deep and explore your story for why you don’t like people. Ask yourself is it true from a factual perspective.

The courage of learning how to feel, healing, and building a stronger relationship is work that I’ve had to do and others the work that I do with my clients. Relationships are at the intersection of everything we do in life and if you are ready to knock down your brick wall and be able to build stronger relationships and navigate the world with confidence then I’m all in on being your coach. Go to sis you are worthy.com and sign up for a consult. Let’s go!

Sis you are worthy and there is abundant value in building stronger relationships with people.

I love you sis!
Let’s get to work.

You can think of your Vision and your word for the year as your bookends the hold everything together. Once you have your vision down and you’ve selected a word for the year, go back and take a look at the two together to determine if they align. Alignment means that the two are connected and they need to work together to achieve the goal. If I were to break it down further we started with a vision and it’s going to help you see the end state of what you want to create in your life, you are then going to create goals to help you get to that end state. We then break it down further with a plan that has all the little tiny steps or actions we need to take to reach our goal. Finally, we have our word for the year. Our word for the year is what fuels us to keep going. To keep taking the actions we need to reach the goal.

Another way to Think of your word for the year, is as an affirmation or hard why that is going to motivate you to keep going, inspire you to be curious and creative, and re-focus you when the steps you are taking to execute your vision don’t go as you planned or you don’t feel like doing it today. Your plan is going to tell you what to do but it’s your word of the year that’s going to reground you and move you forward when you want to give up.

When we pick our word for the year sometimes we pick our word based on an area of our life that we want to work on and that’s ok. Just know that the word could possibly conflict with your vision or not be the next best step for what you are really trying to achieve. I have two words for the year and originally it was Fearless Constraint? I’m in love with the word fearless and when I feel fear creeping in, I remind myself to be fearless and it helps me to process the emotion and keep going. Constraint on the other hand didn’t quite do for me what I was intending. I picked constraint for good reason. My mind is like a machine and I can end up overcommitting myself or my time. I can also end up distracted which decreases productivity. So, the word constraint seemed appropriate right. I want to constrain my activities to only those that I have scheduled in that moment. However, given that it’s our feelings that drive the actions we take and those action produce a result the word constraint did not create the feeling I needed to move forward. When I tap into the feeling the word constraint gives me what comes to me is feeling forced or restricted.. Anytime something feels forced we will instantly resist it because it’s opposite of free will.

Well after doing the same steps I’m laying out for you; I still have two words but now it’s Fearless Focus. My Mind said I needed to constrain but all I wanted to do was resist it. If I resist constraint then I don’t get to my goal. What I want to do this year requires me to allow the fear and channel the courage to do it anyway. Then Focus. Remember I said it can be very easy for me to get sidetracked, get excited about new ideas, or want to do all the things. In essence multi-task. That’s all great and wonderful except multi-tasking leads to a lot of half-baked ideas, processes, and systems. Or it means you never end up putting your ideas in the world and it helps you hide your fear instead of embracing it. Focus though helps me to redirect my brain to the matter at hand. Now I am moving through my fear and focused on creating the results I want for this year.

Some examples for how a word can support you, is on those days when you feel like nothing is going your way but your word is “gratitude” it will remind you of all the reasons you have to be grateful and it’s that feeling that will help you keep going. In those moments at work when you are afraid to be yourself the word ‘authentic” will remind you that your black is beautiful and push you toward the light instead of away from it. Or if your word for the year is courage then that moment that you are afraid to speak with someone because they out rank you or your boss is yelling at you and your afraid to say something. If Courage is your word it will remind you that you have a voice to be reckoned with and you can use it.

What feeling is your word of the year creating for you sis and does it motivate you to execute your vision and achieve your goals for the year? Everything we do is for a feeling and that’s the basis for which we take action or not.

As always, Sis you are Worthy and aligning your vision is a word!

I love you sis,
Let’s get to work

When we think about achieving our goals we often stop at setting the goal. This is a big part of the reason new year resolutions don’t work. We start the new year with a resolution, goal, dream or idea but we never take the time to really plan out the steps we believe are necessary to reach the goal and it’s ok. For the most part no one ever tells us we need a plan in the truest meaning of the word. For example, did you have a true plan for going to college or did you just know you wanted to go or were going. A plan would have laid out exploring schools, taking PSATs, the requirements for the type of school you wanted to go to, and the cost. The answer for me and most likely you, no. I got lucky because we didn’t know and for the most part previous generations didn’t have the luxury of planning. It’s real hard to plan for tomorrow when your focus is on surviving today.

Planning ahead is a game changer. If you need proof, look at systemic racism. It wasn’t accidental or by chance. It was strategically planned. You’ve all heard the saying “Failing to plan is planning to fail”.

This brings us to The two primary reasons for not achieving your goals is 1. Not having a plan in the first place and two is not planning for the obstacles or challenges we know are in the way of us reaching our goal.

Let’s take number one first. We don’t create a plan. If we do it’s often a loose plan built on hope which ultimately means we don’t have a plan. So, why wouldn’t we create a plan. Why are We just walking around with our fingers crossed hoping it all works out. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone needs a level of hope. However, hope will keep you stuck if in fact the reason you don’t plan to begin with is because you’re willing to dream about the future but to make a plan would means you have to face the obstacles associated with the goal and deep down you don’t really believe it’s possible to achieve the goal but instead that life happens to you and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you hope for the best instead of planning for success. We say things like “I can’t address my boss talking to me crazy, that’s just the way it is”. I don’t want to negotiate when I know I’m being given a lowball offer because I may not get the job at all. I can’t invest in coaching or personal development because everything and everyone is more important to me than me and I’m just doing what I can to survive. If these or similar sentences are the ones you’re playing over and over in your head to the point you believe they are not only true but a fact I’m here to tell you that they are not.

When you sit down to create a plan and lay out the steps your’re going to take to reach your goal it can be a tedious process. The tedious process though is temporary and actualy prevents future stress because You don’t have to wonder what your going to do, when you’re goin to do it and how it’s going to get done on the fly when you’ve planned in advance. You don’t have to hope it’s going to work out because the plan creates a greater sense of clarity and certainty. This is why we plan.

This leads us to the second reason we don’t reach our goals and that is we don’t plan for obstacles. In the corporate space especially in the business and technology realm there are Project Managers. A Key aspect of Project Management and their role is that you always plan in advance for risks and obstacles both internal and external. You then come up with strategies to mitigate the risk and create contingency for the just in case ish happen.

You plan in advance not only for the obstacles you know about but also for the ones you don’t know.

So what does this look like in our lives and careers instead of corporate america. In our careers it serves us to think of it as a business. All businesses that are profitable have an annual planning process. The same is needed for your career. If your goal is to make more money this year then it needs to be more specific first and have a quantitatve number. We’re going to use $20, 000. Now as I sit down to create my plan I’m going to ask myself questions like, How can I make this amount of money.

Can I make this in my current role, Could I if I got a promotion, if I go to another company or do I need a side hustle.? Since getting promoted is a consistent one I hear then let’s say that our goal is that we want to get promoted, make $20k more and that’s a reasonable increase given my current salary, market rate and my industry. Now that we have that down, what are the obstacles that are potentially or likely going to stand in the way of getting that promotion. Your going to write all of those down. In the case of a promotion the list might have:
• My boss doesn’t like me.
• I’m uncomfortable with talking to people outside of the business at hand
• I need to advance a skillset. Speaking, Powerpoint, etc.

Once we have our list of obstacles we are going to turn them into strategies and make them a part of our plan.
If we start with the obstacle “My boss doesn’t like me”, then my strategy might be to get to know his or her boss and two other leaders. If that’s the strategy then in my plan I’m going to have a step that happens monthly where I meet with each of them separately.

For my second obstacle, which was I’m uncomfortable with talking to people outside of the business at hand. My strategy would be to go to random networking events. That’s not what I write in my plan though. In my plan I’m going to put the time,place, event of the event as far out as possible and then I might have placeholders for let’s say the last six months of the year.

My final obstacle was that I need to advance my Speaking and presentation skill. My strategy would be to take a class. I’m going to put that I’m going to take a class in my plan. I’m going to put the details of the class I’ve signed up to take in the plan.

You want your plan to be as detailed as possible and you want to put as much of it as you can on your calendar.

There is a difference between putting in your plan “Go to Networking event in February” versus Having on your calendar that on February 14th I’m going to go to a singles mixer. Don’t knock it. Dating is a great way to practice talking to strangers and get comfortable with talking about yourself.

Our life isn’t a bunch of separate compartments. It’s intertwined. Everything I teach on this podcast can be applied to business, your career and all other areas of your life.

Lastly, don’t forget about contingencies. Your strategy is for what you’re going to do, if all else remains equal. Your contingency is what you go to when it doesn’t. I don’t want you to think of a contingency as a plan B when working through this process. We are planning for success not for if plan A doesn’t work out then I’ll do a completely different something. My contingency is there to catch me if I have a setback and to help me pivot. Not to go in a completely different direction. For getting a promotion, a situation that might come into play is if your leadership changes. You really have no way to know that in advance. It doesn’t change the goal though. My contingency might be to get to know this new leader. This could also be where those other leaders you’ve been meeting with can help you navigate or advocate for you. They are a part of your contingency. They offer you additional options for the promotion instead of just one.

Please make sure you create a plan and have thought through potential obstacles. It’s my goal to provide you guys with as much value as I can. A lot of what I teach and talk about are lessons I’ve learned the hard way which is why I try to give real life practical detail.

If you find yourself overwhelmed with planning for success or staying on track with reaching your goals then go to the sis you are worthy website and schedule a free consult. What’s the difference between coaching and what I just described on the podcast? It’s personal guidance, support and accountability to help you get to your goal or transformation faster. The longer you sit in overwhelm or procrastination the longer it’ll take to reach the goal. Which means the longer it’ll take for you to feel better and get to the money.

Sis you are Worthy and Your success is already in God’s Plan!

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

I’ve found that I prefer guardrails versus being given strict requirements. It’s like having a boss who’s a micro-manager and I start to feel boxed in. So, instead of following the SMART process I first focus on what I want to accomplish. Then I focus on deeply believing I can and finally I execute from that place. When we don’t reach our goals, we think it’s because we didn’t take action but if you’ve been following me then you know it’s our thoughts that create our feelings and the feeling determines the actions or inaction, we take to reach our goals. Which means even if we have a detailed plan the minute, I don’t get the job or promotion I make it mean something about my worthiness and that creates self-doubt. Thus, the actions you take won’t lead you to the goal. Instead if you fully believed that the job, career, target market that’s meant for you is already created and it’s yours then someone saying no isn’t a problem.

My overall approach to goal setting is to pick One Goal instead of many.
In Russel Brunson’s book Expert Secrets, he talks about picking the one thing or domino as he puts that will knock down all the other dominos and then in Gary Keller’s book the One Thing, he talks about focusing on that one thing in order to achieve your goals or success. This goes to me saying in the Vision Creating episode that we tend to overcommit and pick too many goals.

Reflect back on your goals and vision boards of yesteryear and think about how much of it you were able to achieve. Unless the goals are small and don’t require a lot of time, energy or effort then it’s impossible to give every area the necessary attention. Having this expectation that we can do it all and underestimating the effort it will cause you to burnout or give up.

Here is a 5-step process to goal setting.
1. What is your one goal?
a. Let’s say you one goal is to get promoted this year.
2. Do I believe in the goal?
a. Why do you want to get promoted? Maybe it’s because you want to reach a certain level in your career, lead more people or make more money. Not what it is just make sure you like your reasons.
3. Do I believe I can achieve the goal?
a. Let’s say you want it and you think it’s possible. That’s a start. You want to ask yourself why you don’t fully believe it and work through the limiting beliefs that come up for you. This is where the magic happens.
i. You need to believe you can achieve the goal to take action. If you sit in self-doubt getting promoted is going to be tough. No one wants to promote the person who is unsure of themselves.
4. What has to happen to achieve the goal or said differently What do I need to do to achieve this goal?
a. Maybe to get promoted people have to know who I am, I may want to have a great work product, I may want to improve my leadership skills. Notice here that I’m not getting into the details of the how, I’m not saying I’m going to go to after work networking events so people get to know me. Why not, you still need to take action but if this was your goal last year and once we worked remotely would you have given up on the goal
5. What other goals will I knock out by achieving this one goal or an alternative is what will be the outcome of achieving this goal. The outcome would be personal to your own wants and desire but let’s say my outcomes in this example will be:
a. You make more money
b. You increase my exposure
c. You get to be an example of what’s possible

Let’s walkthrough another example. This time it’s my goal to have a million-dollar business. If I get stuck in the SMART goal process or on the how, I’ll give up or change my goal to something that feels “more realistic”. But does have me reacting to my fear and playing small. Does realistic mean safe instead of stretching the boundaries of who I am today to be who I want to become tomorrow.

Last year my one goal was to get better at creating executive level PowerPoints. Now, I know that may not seem like that big of a goal or even that big of a deal. However, as you move up you will have to be more strategic or intentional about your steps. The goal you pick again needs to align to the vision. If my vision was to get promoted to Vice President then I need to know how to create executive presentations before I get there. With this in mind creating executive level PowerPoints or presentations is my one domino because:
1. It’s called executive level for a reason. It means that the average person can’t do it. It’s a way to distinguish yourself.
2. It challenged me to think differently. I’m very analytical and detailed oriented. This can make creating a PowerPoint difficult because it requires a level of creativity which means using a different part of your brain.

The outcome though of reaching this goal means that I’ve enhanced not only my ability to create presentations, but I’m now also able to:
 Synthesize the detail into a summary of what matters based on the audience. The further up the ladder you go, the less they care about the detail.
 Increase my opportunity to present and/or be in the room. Often times the person who can create the presentation is also in the room. The more you present the better you will be at it. That is a skill you can take anywhere!
o You may be in the room to present or to take notes. Don’t discount being in the room to take notes. You may not be at the table so to speak but if you’re being strategic and paying attention then you’re picking up on all the happenings. You get to see how they interact with each other, who has the most power, whose an idiot, etc. This information sis is priceless.
 As an added bonus the ability to create a PowerPoint is also a skill that serves me in my business. Think about all the webinars, training and presentations you sign up for. They all include PowerPoint like slides, right.

Ultimately, the purpose of setting a goal isn’t so much about reaching the goal as it is who you become in the process. A lot of the time we go into goal setting with the belief that “we have” to do it all or cost or that if it doesn’t look like we are going to make it then we stop or give up. The worst that can happen if you don’t reach the goal is that you moved the ball from the 50-yard line to the 10-yard line but you couldn’t quite get to the goal on the first pass, but your close. That is still winning, sis! Don’t discount it.

Let’s be aware of having an all or nothing mindset. All or nothing thinking when it comes to your goals says:
 “I failed because I didn’t reach my goal”. This thought will cause you to give up instead of moving forward. Forward progression no matter how big or small is always for our good.
 Another all or nothing thought is “I have to achieve this because I made it a goal”. My response to that is, so what? You made the goal therefore you can change the goal. If the goal you set at the beginning of the year no longer serves you then it is better to course correct rather than force yourself to have the will power to achieve the goal or beat yourself up because you didn’t reach the goal and you make it mean something negative about you even though you know you didn’t want it anymore.

To recap, I’m encouraging you to pick just one goal sis and goal and go all in on it. Pick the one that will be most impactful. If your goal is to get out of debt so that you can save enough to leave your corporate job and start your own business then just make the goal to Save XXX dollars on xxx cadence. The outcome will be that at said time you’ll have money for the debt and to throw your corporate gig the deuces. Don’t over complicate it. Yes, you want to have a plan but don’t get so wrapped up in it that you don’t pivot when needed or when one of the steps don’t go according to plan you give up.

Ok. I’ve been hinting over the last few weeks that I have big things planned in 2021 for the Sis You Are Worthy community and I told yall to get on my email list or in the FB group and many of you did. For those of you who haven’t I just wanted to offer a little snippet of the program I’m about to launch. It will include unlimited 1×1 coaching sessions. Yup that’s right I said unlimited and nope it won’t cost you an arm and leg.

Why am I doing this you say? A part of the vision God has given me is making coaching available and accessible to as many black women as possible. It’s also the reason for this podcast. Broader exposure to coaching in our community will increase the magnitude of the impact Black Women will make in this world. Coaching can not only help you reach your goals, or keep your whole mind, it also increases the trajectory of your transformation and changes life and career outcomes.

If you are serious about getting unstuck, reaching your goals for 2021, healing from work trauma, believing you are enough and worthy, or looking for support in holding you accountable, then I’ve got you. Go to the sisyouareworthy.com website and select schedule a consult for more details on The Confident Career Collective – Unlimited Program.

Sis You Are Worthy and you can achieve the impossible.

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

Nowhere in this society does it honor women, nurture them, uphold them, or invest in them. Nor does it teach women that we must take the time to invest in the self-care of our minds, body and souls.
Trust me, I understand and I’m not saying the reason you’re not investing in yourself is your fault. It’s simply what we’ve been taught. I have been equally as guilty of not resting and practicing self-care, suppressing my emotions to survive, putting a man before my career, holding myself back for the benefit of others and more. This path though is not healthy and does not lead to the place where you operate as your highest self in any realm.
Everything you want in this world requires an investment. That investment may include time, money, education, or wellness depending on the goal. Women as a whole struggle with confidence especially in the workplace and for black women we struggle with a lack of confidence and a scarcity mindset. This makes it even harder for us to pull the trigger to go back to school, take time off, invest in personal and professional development.
As a sister, friend and coach here are a handful of the most common limiting beliefs I encounter in my work. Let me know if you are struggling with any of these:
The first is saying it’s not the “right” time.
My response to this is, it never will be the right time if you don’t make it the right time. How many opportunities for self-investment have you put off by saying “It’s not the right time because we’re in the middle of a pandemic” “It’s not the right time because I don’t know what’s going to happen to my job” or “It’s not the right time because I have so much going on.. These are all limiting beliefs that delay your growth. The truth is you have no control over what will happen next. None of us do. We’ve seen so many examples of this in 2020. Worry and the attempt to control what you simply cannot control in the universe is a scarcity mindset. Women who are successful and operate from abundance are doubling down on themselves right now.
Feeling like you need to check in and get someone else’s approval or validation.
When it comes to personal and professional development (or most things in life for that matter), you need to make yourself the highest authority of your life, not your spouse, your parents, your boss, your partner. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what you need, want and what you deserve, and go out and get it. It’s not up to your spouse or anyone else to tell you if you should make this investment – it’s up to you. You don’t need to ask permission to grow.
You’re not clear about the return on investment.
When I’m doing consults I’m occasionally asked questions like “How do I know if it’s worth it” or “Will I get enough out of this?” The answer to this question is 1. Yes, if you go all in and 2. You are always winning or your learning. Getting a return on the investment you make requires confidence and commitment to reach the desired result. There is always something to be learned in every situation. I’ve been a part of two group coaching programs where I paid 8k for one and $18k for another. Yes, I believe in me that much and I don’t ask anything of you all I’m not willing to do myself. Even still, I didn’t like the 8k program that much. I loved the other program though. Here’s what I learned from the 8k program even though I didn’t like it. The 8k program tried to teach too much in a short period of time. Then all of the calls were doing working hours and there was just something about the vibe that I didn’t like but I didn’t catch before I paid my money. Here’s what I did learn though, to ask different questions. I also learned how to do FB ads and write Ad copy. How many of you found this podcast through my FB ads. It has more than 1000 likes. So even though I didn’t like the 8k program if all I learned was to do FB ads it was priceless.
They’re scared that they’ll actually achieve more success.
As women we hold ourselves back in so many ways. We are always overly concerned with everyone else’s opinions. Raise your hand if you put your career on hold for a man or limited your growth for a man? Raise your hand if you’re scared about how you will do it all if your more successful, or raise your hand if you’ve outgrown your friends? especially when there doesn’t seem like enough time already? How many of you would say you were concerned that achieving more success Women hold themselves back from growth in so many ways. The fear and worry from all of these things, plus more lead us to self-sabotage our development even if we say it’s what I want. What if success was a zero-sum game? It doesn’t have to be success and nothing else.
Letting everyone in the family’s needs come before yours
As women we are taught very early to put everyone else’s needs before our own. To care for everyone, to do whatever we can to make everyone happy, to love everyone. We do all of this at our own expense. When it’s time to invest in our professional or personal development we feel guilt or shame. The money should instead be used for anything else but you. The house, a car, the kids, a family member in need. I’m not speaking about the momma’s out their who are spending money to keep a roof over your head. I find that most of have this shared guilt about doing something to better ourselves. It doesn’t seem to matter if you’re making $50,000 or $250,000. I’ve never really hesitated about the need for self-development.
I have had to work on not seeking validation for a decision I’ve already made. I also became aware some years back that I was absolutely, positively, no questions asked willing to spend whatever amount of money on a gift that would make my husband happy. Interestingly enough, I wasn’t willing to spend that same amount on myself. I had to learn to love me and believe I was worth having the things that made me happy as well. Just know that you’re worth the investment.

This investment in self is priceless. Your most important asset is your mind if you use it wisely. It’s like the old saying “You teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a day but if you teach a man how to fish and you feed him for his life time.
It’s because the investment in that knowledge can be used over and over again.
Here’s another example: If I offered you a million dollars, would you take it or would you want me to teach you how to make it?
If you want the million right now I’ll offer you may want to reconsider. Once that million is gone is gone. However, if you invest the time and effort it takes to learn how to make a million then you can also make 10. We all make time for what we believe to be important. You are important. Invest the time in developing and growing you.
Investing in yourself increases your access and opportunities. It up levels your thinking and introduces you to new people and new ideas. This is how the rich get richer.
This is where you start to see the result in that investment.
It puts you in the place to increase your most important asset. Which is your mind. See your mind goes where-ever you go. When you think freely and understand you are your most important investment there’s no limits to what you can achieve.
Sis when you are ready to go all-in on you, your career, or business then sign up for a free consult at sisyouareworthy.com
Sis you are worthy of the investment you make in yourself. The return will always be priceless.
I love you sis,
Let’s get to work.

I can tell you categorically that this is different behavior from what I see in the men who come to me for help.
No hemming and hawing, no “Let me have a few days to think about this,” and certainly not “I have to check in with my spouse about the investment.” Ever. Even when the woman is the primary breadwinner, she often doesn’t feel she has the power or authority to say yes to investing in herself without checking with her husband first. I believe that a part of this behavior is a lack of confidence women experience in investing in their own growth.
There’s been a great deal of research and writing about this confidence gap in women, and the root causes, and I have my own theories and beliefs about what contributes to it today (including cultural training, rigid gender roles, role modeling, etc.). I’ve faced gender discrimination and sexual harassment myself, and know how crippling it can be. But as a career coach who spent years as a therapist and a corporate director focused on advancing women, I’m less interested in the causes and much more interested in the solutions. I’ve come to see that this is not a myth – women often do, in fact, let their doubts and insecurities about themselves stop them, whereas men tend to push forward despite their doubts. For example, in Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In, she references an internal report at Hewlett-Packard that revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed; men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements. I share this not to be unsupportive to women, but to help us all gain awareness of what’s holding us back to achieve what we long for. After all, greater awareness equals greater choice.
Do a check-in and see if you’re suffering from this condition I call “intractable resistance to growth.” Here are what I’ve found to be top five reasons why many women won’t invest in their own growth when they should, and why it hurts them. Do these sounds familiar?
They need to check with someone else.
When it comes to personal and professional development (or anything in life for that matter), you need to make yourself the highest authority of your life, not your spouse, your sister, your boss, your partner. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what you need, want and what you deserve, and go out and get it. It’s not up to your spouse or anyone else to tell you if you should make this investment – it’s up to you. You don’t need to ask permission to grow. (I know you’ll say that you and your husband need to agree on your budgeting, etc. To that, I say you need to know what’s necessary, and find a way to get it.)
They’re not sure this is the “right” time.
Here’s a harsh reality: we’re all over –the-top busy and over-committed, and it’s never going to feel like the “right time” to invest in yourself. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t the best time. You’ll always be able to make excuse after excuse as to why you don’t have time to do something critical that will help you. But people who create great success, happiness and reward in their lives carve out the necessary time and money. They don’t get lost in all the reasons why later would be better.
They’re not clear about the return on investment.
Women worry, “Will I get enough out of this?” and “Will this be a mistake?” Ensuring that your investment offers a healthy return is a choice – it’s based on your actions and decisions, not some random act or chance occurrence. It requires thorough research and due diligence to know if an investment will pay off, but more than that, it requires confidence and commitment that you’ll make sure the money you spend on yourself will be well worth it in the long run.
They’re scared that they’ll actually achieve more success.
Women hold themselves back from growth in so many ways. From distracting themselves with meaningless activities, doing too much for others (the perfectionist, overfunctioning behavior I see so often), refusing to slow down and truly feel their emotions, to worrying that they’ll grow too busy for family if they invest in their own growth, they sabotage their development. I see so many women backing away from being all they can be in the world (and all they say they long to be), because of their fears and anxieties about what success will demand of them when they do grow and play bigger in the world.
They fear the money should be used for their family or others.
Finally, woman after woman has shared her guilt, shame and worry that perhaps she should not spend this sum of money on herself, but put it towards others (her children, the house, etc.) instead. I’m not referring here to cases where women must feed and clothe their children and don’t have money for outside expenses. I’m talking about the women I hear from who have discretionary income — who earn $100,000 to $500,000 a year, for example — and still have extreme reservations about spending development money on themselves rather than use it for others’ good.
If just one woman each day would overcome her confidence gap, and move through her reluctance to putting herself first and spending money, time and effort on her own growth and success (and then teach one hundred other women to do it), we’d have real progress for women in this country (and I’d be the happiest woman on the planet).
I’d like to ask you to join me in stimulating a breakthrough movement for women, starting with you. Is there an investment in yourself that you’ve been putting off that will help you contribute in a bigger, more rewarding and exciting way in the world? Please, make it.

According to the research 42 million Blacks have a spending power amounting to $1.1 trillion, which gives each man, woman, and child an annual spending power of $26,200 dollars. Black spend their money overwhelmingly with white businesses on the following products and services.
• tobacco $3.3 billion
• whiskey, wine, and beer $3 billion
• non-alcoholic $2.8 billion
• leisure time spending $3.1 billion
• toys, games, and pets $3.5 billion
• telephone services $18.6 billion
• gifts $10 billion
• charitable contributions $17.3 billion
• healthcare $23.6 billion
• Among the remaining expenditure categories, alcoholic beverages, apparel and services, healthcare, entertainment, personal care, reading, education, and miscellaneous expenditures, low-income and high-income Black households had similar expenditure shares.
The number one selling product in the black community no matter your income level is hair care products.

• Each year, Blacks spend more than $47 billion on Lincoln automobiles, $3.7 billion on alcohol, $2.5 billion on Toyotas, $2 billion on athletic shoes, and $600 million each year on McDonald’s and other fast foods, according to Target Market News Inc., a Chicago-based marketing research group.
• Blacks also spend wildly to keep up their appearances. The black hair care and cosmetics industry counts as a $9 billion a year business, but while African Americans are spending the most, they are profiting the least, said officials from the Black Owned Beauty Supply Association (BOBSA) in Palo Alto, Calif. Beauty product lines designed for African Americans were once 100 percent owned and operated by blacks, today other ethnic groups control more than 70 percent of the market.
• I just want to point out that all of these things including looking good for the gram are items that decrease in value and provide you with no to little return on your investment.

I know that most of us already have our degrees and its likely student loan debt. If that’s the case this episode is still for you. This episode is also for you if you want to go back to school, have kids who want to go to college, or you just want to be able to offer perspective to member of your family community.

It took me a while after high school to finish my degree. I was a teenage mother and so I had to work my way through school. When I started I lived in South Carolina and for my first two-three years of college I had no student loan debt. Stay with me though, because it somehow went off the rails after that. I managed to rake up 10’s of thousands of dollars in debt.

Well, what had happened was I decided I didn’t want to live in South Carolina anymore. My husband and I were working non-stop and we could still barely make ends meet. That decision led us here to North Carolina. What I didn’t account for in my decision to move was 1. It now meant I was subject to out of state tuition for the first year 2. Given number one it meant that I could only afford to attend school part-time. Then on top of that I also ran into a scenario where the classes I needed to take were not being offered and the school could not tell me when they would be offered.

This led me to making another decision, I would come to learn was detrimental to my efforts of reaching financial freedom. That decision was to attend a For Profit Institution of High Learning. I didn’t know anything about for-profit schools. All I knew is I was in a new city, with my little girl and I needed to finish my degree. For Profit institutions are educational institutions that are essentially corporations and often have shareholders. They differ from your traditional colleges and universities because they operate as a business, and the product they sell is education. Their goal is to provide a quality education, but in doing so generate a positive return, or profit, for their shareholders. Some examples of fairly well-known for-profit schools would be Devry, University of Phoenix, ITT Tech and Kaplan University. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with attending for profit schools. I am wanting to equip you with the information needed to make an informed decision. That way you can be strategic about your next move.

This brings me to Tip#1: If you are in school, thinking about going back to school or getting ready to send your babies. I’d highly recommend that you use your in-state higher education system where possible verses an online for-profit institution, or out of state option. You want to go with the in-state system because it’ll be cheaper but also if you plan to stay in your region it also is better from a name recognition and provide networking prospects. Going to a local college or prestigious university provides immediate corporate street cred. For example, if you live in the South, where you went to school is a big deal in the corporate space. It will likely matter more for someone with a business or professional degree than it may for someone with a nursing degree. Where you went to school can serve you by being a connection point where you are relatable and have commonality with your colleagues.

Tip #2. I know we all want to say our kids our going to a four year college when people ask but your local community college is a viable option for the first two years. It’s like the saying it doesn’t matter where you start it matters where finish. Once you finish you can transfer to a four year institution. As long as you graduate from the 4 year institution then that’s what you put on your resume. Community colleges are more affordable and can limit the amount of debt you take on. For fields such as nursing this is a great option because it provides the option to enter the job market earlier as a nurse.

This brings me to Tip#3 – Leverage free money. This includes company tuition reimbursement programs when wanting to go back to school and full ride scholarships. I have witnessed multiple times where we have allowed our children to go where they wanted to and take on debt versus going to the school that offered a full scholarship. Listen to me, stop letting your kids choose enslavement over freedom. If we are being strategic a free college degree is worth more than a degree from a more prestigious school or another school of their choice. Here’s why: When you leave school the money you make is immediate wealth because you have no debt. Furthermore, if you invest let’s say $200 dollars a paycheck and save $200 then you are steady building net worth. On the other hand you will have a degree from a well regarded school but you are also going to have $100,00 in debt. When you graduate you now start at -100,000 and you will need to make payments toward the principle and the longer it takes you to do that the more your debt will grow and thus the longer it will take just to get back to 0.

My sistas as we raise up the next generation it will be even more important that we continue to hold their hand into adulthood. Don’t leave them to sign financial documents on their own. No other culture allows their children to do this or sends them off into the world alone at 18.

To close out today I want to share a story another black woman and mother posted on facebook because it’s an example of how we have to re-think and re-shape how we move forward.

“I hope you all will let me brag for a minute about my son. He got into Howard! But with the pandemic, classes are virtual. He also had a full ride to our local community colleges. He chose to do his first 2 years at community college, live at home and work part time. He is a shopper for Instacart and they are paying $15/hr. He gets a $0.25 raise each time he completes 500 orders. He gets bonuses for consistent 5 star ratings and for recommending new hires.
This allows him to save every dollar he makes. We have mapped out a plan that will have $40K in his bank account by his junior year. And guess what, he can pay his own way. 😊 He’s working his tush off and we are so proud. Once he gets to $15K he’s going to start investing as well. His high school AP classes have given him 24 credits so he can take 10 credits each semester and work more hours. He was originally filled with self pity about the bootleg drive-by graduation and he thought there would be no jobs. I told him to apply at Instacart, coached him on the interview and he was hired on the spot. He has his eye on the manager job there which will bump him to $22/ hr. He plans to get his degree with a surplus. No debt. It’s so nice when your 18 year old actually listens to good advice. So so nice”

I did get her permission before sharing and in our exchange she mentioned how other black people thought this idea was crazy. That it robs the child of the full college experience. I’ll talk more about this “thought” in

As we close out I want to offer that we as a people be open to thinking past the immediate pleasure of the “right now” for making choices that better position us for long term success.

Sis you are worthy of mental, emotional and financial freedom.

I love you sis,
Let’s get to work.

As Black women we are taught how to suppress our feelings at a very early age. It is how many of us push through and have made it this far. I know I was a master at it and it is my natural tendency. However, now that I have learned how to process my feelings in a healthier way it means that somedays I just walk around with my heart aching with worry.

Now like many of you I have to do this and smile, lead virtual meetings, on top of trying to drive change, running my business, tending to my family and also working my ass off in corporate America. Over the past few weeks many companies have posted statements and made contributions to the cause. In addition to that random people are starting to ask us “how are we doing” or “are we ok”.

I honestly can’t imagine how anyone can be ok right now. No matter where you sit on the matter the fact that we are all not ok is the one point for which I believe there is agreement. With this understanding I want to focus today’s discussion on teaching you the Self Coaching Model.

You’ve heard me say countless times that “we” Black Women have to manage our minds, be conscious of our thinking, be intentional in order to be more strategic and create the results we desire in our lives. The need for this tool, the awareness it provides and the result it can help you create from the perspective of managing your mind, taking care of your mental and being an advocate for change has most likely never more important than this moment right here.

A fellow life coach, Brig Johnson posted the following in a group chat that I believe so eloquently embodies my sentiments. She stated “Our battle has been fought with every tool and every approach but thought work. It is thought work that will get us there, it is through a Managed Mind that we will come up with strategies and creativity to get to our desired result.”

Brig and I both received our Life Coach certification from the Life Coach School where we studied the Self Coaching model taught by Brook Castillo. Brooke will be the first to tell you that she did not create the concepts within the Model and that they are universal truths. She took these concepts and created a model that helps you apply said truths to your daily life in a way that is meaningful.

To this end, we have all heard various saying or quotes that affirm the concept or notion that what you are thinking manifests into your reality. We just haven’t been taught how to apply it in a way that serves us. Examples of quotes or sayings you may have heard include:

For example:
Alice Walker said “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any”

The great Muhammad Ali said “What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming”

You’ve heard me say that my grandmother taught us “You can do anything you put your mind to”

Proverbs 23:7
”As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.”

And finally, in our community how many times have you said or been told “Don’t say that” or “Don’t speak that over my life or into existence”. It’s because words give an unmanaged mind power over us. What you speak is a reflection of your thoughts and even deeper your beliefs. When you are not aware of your thinking you have conceded your power and are blindly being led.

It all starts with the way you think.

The Self Coaching Model (the Model) is the tool you can use to solve any problem. The basic premise of the Model is that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results.

The self-coaching model teaches it this way:

CIRCUMSTANCESTHOUGHTS  FEELINGS  ACTIONS  RESULTS

If we break it down further the model applies the following methodology:

→Circumstances are facts that everyone agrees on and that can be proven in a court of law
→ Thoughts are sentences in your head about a circumstance or situation.
→ Feelings are emotions that vibrate through your body
→ Actions are what you do, don’t do, or react to (e.g., actions, inactions, and reactions).
→ Results are the consequences or outcomes of your actions, inactions, or reactions.

For today’s podcast I’m going to use non race related examples because I want to help you understand how to use the tool in a less emotionally charged way first and then I will follow-up with a podcast on the model and racism.

Here’s an example:

C: My son turned 13 on May 11th
T: My baby is growing up
F: Sad
A: I try to keep him close, love on him, kiss him, treat him like he’s my baby, make it all better for him
R: I won’t let him grow up

So, notice that my C line is purely factual. It doesn’t include any of my thoughts or beliefs. My R line is also only about the result I create and no one else.

If you practice affirmations the application of the concepts within the model determine if you are reaching the desired result. You have to get to the place where you believe the thought to manifest your result. So, if the affirmative thought is “I am worthy” and you say it to yourself, write it down, make it your screensaver but you still don’t think or feel worthy it’s because you don’t yet believe that thought.

You can then use the model to examine why you don’t believe it. If I’m searching for my thoughts on a matter, I think it’s helpful to ask myself a question. A question based on the example of Self-Worth might be “Why don’t I believe I’m worthy?

As I answer that question, I’m going to build My MODEL and it may look something like this:

I’m going to write on a piece of paper and vertically I’m going to put the Letters C, T, F, A, R.

So, I would have used at least 5 lines where I’m going to write out my circumstance ©, Thought (T), Feelings (F), Actions/Inactions/Reactions (A), then Results®.

Using the example of Self Worth to examine my thoughts I create the following model as an example:

C: My mom gave me up for adoption as a child
T: I’m not good enough
F: Unworthy
A: I seek attention from the wrong people, I enter into bad relationships with men that abuse me, I use drugs to numb my feelings
R: I reinforce the belief that I’m not good enough

Just to recap, if you repeat a thought you don’t believe like in the example “I am worthy”, nothing will change. Instead, you need to repeat a new thought that you do believe such as “I am human, or “I am not my past”. Sometimes when you’ve carried a thought so long and it’s become a part of your belief system you have to first find a thought that is neutral. One like “I am human” will likely fee neutral and incrementally moves you away from the negative though “I’m not good enough”. (Again, that thought only works if you truly believe it.) You have to incrementally change your thoughts from negative to neutral and then to positive. I call that process “laddering your thoughts” to make real change.

When you discover the underlying thought causing the results in your life, you become aware of how you are responsible for all those results. That awareness shows you how you’re already creating the results, which means you can change your thoughts to achieve different results. Finally, decide what you want your new thought to be and incrementally change it. Your thoughts only lead to your results if you actually believe the thoughts.

Remember that the basic premise of the Model is that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. To create these results, you also have to use and apply the tool daily. It’s like using Microsoft Excel. To be really good at it you have to use it often.

Also here are a few model tips to help you utilize it in an accurate and meaningful way:
 You can start anywhere in the model. So, if you feel bothered but you don’t know why then you can start your model by putting “bothered” in you Feelings line and working to find your T or thought that’s creating that feeling from there.
 Always be very specific and factual with your circumstance.
 Your thoughts are a choice, whether you consciously or unconsciously think them. They’re always still a choice
 When you start paying attention to your thinking, you may not like what you find. Don’t rush to judge your thoughts or change them immediately. Instead, practice being compassionate. Awareness is the first step toward change.
 Your outcomes are the result of how you think, not the result of your circumstances.

Once you start to use the Model in your life, you’ll start to see that you have the power within you to choose what results you want to create. That is power. That is how you change your entire life, so it can be exactly what you want it to be. This power and change as individuals can then help us create a collective change for our people and community.

Sis you are worthy and your black is Beautiful!

I love you sis!

Let’s get to work.

I want to start with asking you, what are your thoughts about money, where did you pick up of those beliefs and are they helping you create the life you desire or is it holding you back from exploring new possibilities, taking calculated risks, investing in yourself and making more money.

Growing up I was never really taught about money directly. What I knew about money and managing my finances or how much you made from a career perspective was mostly based on experiences from my childhood and my grandmother’s anecdotal life lessons.

I don’t ever recall my family being concerned about money at least not in our presence. Now, we certainly didn’t have a lot but we always had enough. I’ve had several conversations with Black Women about not realizing that we grew up poor. I think part of the reason for that is that the majority of us grew up around Family. We Gen X and Millennials are really the first generations to disperse more broadly. Growing up with family allows for a sense of community and coverage that shelters you from the realities of world.

My family was all about making it happen for us. I can recall going to WWF wrestling matches, basketball games, they would take us to the public pools, festivals, parades, and any other awesomeness that was happening around the nation’s capital. When we went to these events my auntie would always make us goodie bags. It never occurred to me as a child it was because we couldn’t afford to eat out and feed everyone especially with stadium pricing.

Now while my extended family community was the bomb. Back at home there was days when I would come home from school and the electricity would be off. I can also vividly remember coming home from school one day and like most kids me and my little brother were hungry but we had nothing in the house to eat but eggs. Since we were too young to cook, all we could do was wait until my mom got home. To this day I am amazed that we didn’t go hungry that night. My mom ended up making egg salad for dinner.

So my financial life lessons were like my grandmother saying Don’t ever live with anyone if you can’t afford to pay the rent yourself. Then there was the classic teaching from women here age which was even if you have a man you always keep a little something on the side just in case. The one other observation that I noticed was my grandmother always took money from her brazier. LOL! I’m sure many of you can relate. While I know she had a bank account she definitely kept cash on her and in the house.

My parents worked hard but they were not the best financial stewards so that meant that my early years were rough. Lots of financial missteps and tough lessons were learned in my teens and twenties. It was my husband who really instilled in me the importance of paying bills on time and I’ve always been somewhat of a saver just based on the nature of my upbringing.

Fast forward to today and my relationship with money has evolved to a much cleaner place. It’s a place where I’ve shifted my own thinking and confidence from I just want to make $50, 000 to I’m going to have a million dollar business. This shift is based on the culmination of being exposed to other cultures, demographics, and being open to receiving married with my own life lessons and managing my limiting beliefs.

I’m sharing all of this with you to help you think about what has transpired up until this point in your life that has shaped your relationship money.

Even if you don’t realize it all of the teachings, observations, and experiences you’ve had as a child has shaped your perspective of money including how you earn it, what career options were available to you, how you handle it and the value you place on it in relation to who you are as a person.

Many of us have both strong and unconscious beliefs and biases when it comes to money.

How many of you believe that money is the root of all evil?

Do you believe that there’s a limitation on the amount you can make based on your profession?

Or is the amount of money available in the world limited?

Some of you may also be feeling like you never have enough money.

A common thought is it should be saved and not at the bank because we don’t trust them!

Another thought that we commonly state like its fact is “I work hard I deserve to have what I want”

On the surface all of these thoughts seem like facts or like they are just your truth but they are just stories in our mind and a reflection of my beliefs.

In our community it’s our thinking that’s holding us back as a collective. As a culture we are intellectuals, creatives, athletes, professionals, business people and so many other magnificent representations of who we are at our core. We have the ability to create value, problem solve and make money but it’s our relationship with money that keeps us on the hamster wheel.

SIS we have the power to change the course of history for black America. Approximately 75% of Black women are head of households. This means we not only have the power but the responsibility to change the narrative when it comes to what we think about money.

I hope it’s not lost on any of us that the minute stimulus checks were sent out the narrative in the news and media went from it’s not safe to focusing on protests and the need to reopen states. The reason for this shift is because they know that despite the risk of health even as the most vulnerable population of people that black people will go out and spend money thus stimulating the economy.

To help put what I’ve just stated into context from a math perspective the average net worth of a white family is $171,000 compared to $17, 00 for a black family. So you say Anita, it’s not our fault we have so much against us. They make more than us. They won’t let us get a head. Now while it is not lost on me that there are systemic measures put in place that disproportionately effect our community, I’ll just recommend that you be careful and reflect on that thought considering Black consumers spend more than $1 trillion a year.

Nielsen, which provides analytical insights about the habits of consumers, released an in-depth look at Black buying power to document the trends associated with that tremendously reliable level of spending. “More than half (52%) of African Americans find in-store shopping relaxing, compared with 26% of the total population”. We literally are the definition of retail therapy. The spending by Black consumers is especially influenced by advertising, the report found, with them being 42 percent more likely than the rest of the country to respond to ads on mobile.

As a coach who studies and uses thought work in practice, a black woman, a professional, and my sisters keeper what this data and article tells me is that they know for sure that they have more control over your thinking than you do!

“The ability to build wealth, open businesses, make more money, control our destiny and provide opportunities to the next generation is solely reliant on taking back our power which means you control your thinking and make moves intentionally and with purpose.
To wrap up this episode I want to leave you with these five questions:
1. What are your current thoughts about Money?
2. How much money do you earn and why?
3. What do you spend your money on and Why?
4. Do you believe you’re 100% responsible for how much money you make? Why or Why not?
5. What is your relationship with money? Meaning how do you see money and what does it mean to you. As an example I see money as a tool others may see it as a means to an end, or just a way to buy all the things you want. You may also equate it to status or a reflection of your success?
I want you to write these questions down and answer them. Feel free to email me your answers and in the next episode we are going to revisit them and identify if our thoughts are creating scarcity or abundance in our careers and finances. From there we’ll talk about how to shift your mindset to create more money and more generational wealth.
Sis you are worthy and managing your money is as easy as a shift in your thinking.
I love you sis!
Let’s get to work.

If you look at the facts versus the fear and emotion you will see that all the events of today have historical precedence. What’s different is simply our reaction to the events, preventative steps and adjustments based on our current environment all of which are based on yours, mine and someone’s thoughts. An example of this is data that shows red states/republican states governors who believe they should provide warnings and direction to their citizens but not mandates that infringe on people’s rights. On the other hand, we have traditionally blue states/democrat governors who believe they have a responsibility to do whatever in their power to save their people even if that means signing “shelter in place’ mandates and fining people. You see how those are two different trains of thoughts that have led to different reactions base on the fact that “There is a virus COVID 19 that is infecting people in our country”.

My favorite subject in school was history. Now that I’m older I believe one of the reasons for that is that it speaks to my analytical brain and the nerd in me. History provides so much information about people, leadership, dates, and events. Through that information you can find trends and also understand SOOO much about how we as a people and a society have overcome other “unprecedented” times. Based on historical data if we would have known each other last year I would have told you that a recession was coming and that it was going to be rough and unlike anything we have experienced in our lifetime. The only question was when and weather or not it was going to be one similar to the Obama era where we so the housing market crash and high job loss or the Reagan era where there was hyper-inflation. Inflation is another economic shift that the majority of us have not experienced or were too young to understand its real implications but it doesn’t mean it’s unprecedented. By most expert’s analysis the economic downturn was going to be worse than the Obama era and we likely would have started to feel and see the effects after the presidential election. No one could have predicted that the timeline would be moved up based on the response to the virus outbreak across the globe. It doesn’t make it unprecedented. The 1918 Spanish Flu killed approximately 675,000 Americans. It was then followed by the Roaring Twenties which included the Harlem Renaissance and was a period of great economic prosperity in America until the stock market crash of 1929. This led into the great depression. The order of events might be different but it’s not unprecedented.

You may be wondering Anita, why is any of this important and why shouldn’t I believe these events are unprecedendented? I’ve never experienced them.
I want to recommend that you don’t buy in to the thought “these are unprecedented times” because if you believe this as fact you will then think “I don’t know what to do”. If this in fact has never happened before then it gives our brains a reason to freak out because we take comfort in and exert confidence based on our previous experiences because our brains then has a starting place for knowing how to handle the situation at hand. When we tell ourselves that what is happening has never been seen before or unprecedented then we become victims and at the effect of the world and the chaos. Being in that place will send you spinning and wasting time because if your thinking I don’t know what to do you can’t take action. I want to make sure you understand that action comes from the thought and belief that you know what to do. From there you can move forward. I’ve already reminded you that historically we have overcome events like these before. Right now, we all have to do the work to not let the hyper influx of information about one topic overwhelm us or, the additional time we have from not commuting or being laid off allow our minds to wonder and unconsciously take in information that will keep us stuck or depressed.

What should you do to manage your mind? Here are a few ways I manage mind that I

1. I pray first thing in the morning. For me it is super important to start my day with peace and gratitude. It is also helpful to take a moment to be still before the day gets going. Meditation can also be helpful.
2. Decide what you want to accomplish for the day in advance. This will help you be more productive and less likely to be focusing on the media, social media and all the noise in the world right now. Even if you are employed you should be thinking about what’s next. How are you going to level up? If you find yourself overwhelmed then take just one step to move yourself forward.
3. Go for a walk. It is a great way to have some quiet time, process your thoughts and release stress.
4. Take in an equal amount of positive influences. I listen to podcasts and audiobooks that help me stay focused, reduce stress and most importantly they help balance me out. Since I’ve been working from home, I didn’t appreciate that it eliminated my time in the car where I would listen to motivating podcasts, music, and audiobooks. Like everything there has to be a balance.
5. Nightly Thought download – I write down all my thoughts about the day. Including ones people, COVID, where I’m at with my patience, what I need to do tomorrow, where I’m at with my energy and making sure it stays on the positive side of the spectrum. Getting all the thoughts out of my head provides peace and doesn’t leave them swirling around in my mind which ultimately means I don’t get a good night’s rest because my mind is steady going with trying to process all those unmanaged thoughts.

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for the creation of good in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life.
Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affect your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality. I’ve mentioned before that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive and just a general waste of energy.
You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control? Isn’t it time you decide what you want to think and believe?
Choose to be the person who is actively, consciously thinking your thoughts. Become the master of your mind.
When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.
Sis you are worthy of peace of mind.
I love you sis!
Let’s get to work!

Here’s the thing – if you knew you wouldn’t be etc.
Today we are going to talk about being or feeling stuck in your career? There’s a number of scenarios from not know what you want to do to feeling like you need the money that can bring about feeling like you don’t have options or know what today. I’m going to cover one of the most common things we say or do and how it prolongs or keep us stuck.

In my coaching practice when we’re in a session I have one rule when it comes to what can and cannot be said. I have this rule because without it my clients would stay stuck and this rule without fail produces two results for them.

The first one is I make them think which equates to them making decisions and the second is they are more confident.! When you put those two results together it means that you move from feeling stuck to not only making confident decisions that allow you to move forward. So, what’s the one rule? The only rule I have in a coaching session is that you can’t say ‘I don’t know’.

We love to say I don’t know because it allows us to give a response to ease our discomfort without answering the question. If I say ‘why are you feeling stuck’ or what do you want to do next the response is likely I don’t know which is why you are stuck. Think about it…If you don’t know what else could you be but stuck and maybe confused but confusion is really just another word for stuck.

This is because when you tell yourself “I don’t know” it creates a mental block. That mental block will frustrate you and make your head hurt because it blocks you from you so you won’t be able to tap into your own thoughts, feelings ideas or passions. It essentially shuts you down and since no one likes a head ache we give up or put off working through our stuff. instead we try to find short term comfort by buffering through food, social media or we just mentally check out altogether.

We all feel stuck at some point in our life or career however when we default to telling ourselves “I don’t know” it’s for one of the following three reasons.

1. The first one is we know but we don’t like the answer. These are like the times when you’re in a relationship and you know it’s bad for you and you should leave but you’ve invested time and on some level its comfortable and easier stay but when you’re complaining about him to your girls and when they ask you why you stay you say “I don’t know”. Another example of using I don’t know, when we know, but don’t like the answer, is when we pray for guidance and wisdom to know what to do and when it’s revealed your like yeah I know what you want me to do God but that’s not really what I was thinking so I’m going to try this instead. Have you noticed that more often than not though you end up back at that thing that was revealed to you?

2. The second reason we default to I don’t know is We don’t want to do the work- if you feel stuck and your answer to the question what do you want to do next, what are you looking for in a company or what’s your 3-5 year plan is I don’t know it’s because you haven’t done the work. No one else can decide what you want but you. This means you have to do the work to sit down and answer those questions. It also means that you have to be in tune with who you are. This includes your skills, strengths, weakness and passions. When coming up with a plan to move forward you also want to write down what you like/want from a career and don’t like/want as well. For example, I don’t like work that’s repetitive. I prefer work where I get to problem solve and strategize. I can then take this information to help inform me regarding what I want to do next.

3. We know the answer but we have a list of reasons why we’re afraid of what it means. I don’t know makes it easy to live in indecision so that we don’t have to grow, take action and work through all the feelings that come along with it. The way this plays out could be I ask you what’s your 3-5-year plan for your career. Your response will be I thought about some things but “I don’t know”. As we work together more, I discover that you know exactly what you want to do. In fact, you have a detailed plan for going to law school and being a lawyer. Your saying I don’t know because when you think about doing it the “what if” creep in and say “what if I don’t get in to law school” “What if I’m not smart enough, or “what if I don’t pass the BAR exam?

We are all quote un quote guilty of saying I don’t know and feeling stuck but to move forward you can drop the three reasons we use “I don’t know and replace them with the following three steps to move you forward.

1. The first is to Ask yourself questions and answer them. A career question to ask yourself might be what do I want to do? Where do I see myself 5 years from now? What are my strengths, likes, like we talked about earlier? If you have a hard time answering your questions think about them as a possibility versus absolutes or without limitations. To open you up to the possibilities you can ask yourself “What if I did know”? Or If there were no limitations based on money, geography, education, race or anything else what would I do? Allow yourself to write freely without restraint.

2. Make a Decision- Once you have evaluated your career strengths, likes, aspirations and answered all of your questions then begin to decide what is my next step or move. The next step, move or goal can be as big or small as you want it to be as long as you make a decision and move forward. Let’s say you decide that your next move is to leave your current position organization with a goal to find a promotional opportunity and make more money.
3. Then all that’s left is the 3rd step which is to make a plan. If we are going to leave the organization and I want to advance what might I need to do? I might need to:
• Update my resume
• Update my LinkedIn profile
• Network
• Look for openings in my field
• Maybe for the next level or opportunity I desire it means I have to get a particular certification.
To make our plan we are going to write down all of the to-do’s or steps that need to take place for us to move forward and reach our goal. Then we are going to put some structure around it such as timing, costs and other essential information. Therefore, my plan in this example might have a line item that says “Get Resume updated by professional” and the cost is XX dollars and the date you need to submit it and when it will be final. Since the resume is an essential part of a job search you can then build subsequent activities around the date you expect to receive the updated version.

As you execute these steps commit to doing the work. The more time you spend asking yourself questions the easier it will get. Asking more questions will cause you to dig deeper and it will allow you to tap into the core of your being. That’s the place where you will find all the answers, dreams, passions, and purpose that’s been blocked by all the stuff life and work presents us with on a daily basis. This is a great me time or self-care exercise weather you are currently feeling stuck or if you just need to reassess your current plan and goals. For exercises like this I like to put on some comfy clothes and get in a comfy place with headphones and just write.

Before we go, I wanted to let you know that for episode 10 I will be answering as many of your confidence & career questions as I can. If you haven’t submitted your question you can go to sisyouareworthy.com. Select Contact and send me your question. It’s that easy.

Sis You Are Worthy of living the life of your dreams.

For the podcast this week I want to share with you 5 gems I believe every black woman should know. With each gem I’m going to try to shed light on why I picked the gem, why it’s important and tips to consider as you go about the task of managing your career.
Gem#1-I’m responsible for my brand and my career. I had the good fortune of working with another African American female almost ten years ago. One day, I must have been complaining about our boss at the time or something and I must have been getting on her nerve because she looked at me and with this big sitter “girl don’t you know” kind of tone she said “you are responsible for your brand”. You can’t leave it to or wait on him to get you where you want to go. My mind was blown. This was the first time that someone had introduced the concept of being responsible for my career and brand. In a nutshell your brand is what people know you for. It is what distinguishes you from your peers. When you establish an effective brand, you can then leverage it as you build your career. I’ve learned to take who I am authentically and build a career brand around it. For example,
• I am very result oriented,
• I love problem solving “& asking questions
• I love building and improving thing
• challenging the status quo
• and doing it right
• I don’t like repetitive work
Once I owned these characteristics and strengths, I used them to build my brand. My brand is the bridge connector. Now think about what’s the purpose of a bridge. It helps you get from one side to the other side. It connects people who would otherwise be separated. When leaders have a problem that needs fix or need to build a new process, I want them to be thinking of me. Another example of women, albeit a fictional character, is Olivia Pope from Scandal. What was her brand? She was a Fixer, right? When anyone had a public relations problem that needed fixing they knew to call her. That’s an example of a strong brand. In my coaching and in the workplace, I see women in general but specifically, black women, give our power to our manager. We expect them to make our careers happen for us. Sis, the minute that you delegate responsibility for anything and certainly your career to someone else, the outcome is likely to be not what you desired. You are responsible for getting your brand and name out there. Your name, and brand, which remember is what you’re known for should be known by more than just your direct manager and direct leadership team.

The next gem is corporate America is a system. I don’t know about you guys but this was news to me. I thought that when I arrived at corporate America, I had made it out of the systems. I grew up in very humble beginnings, I had escaped the statistics around being a teenage mother and I didn’t get in any legal trouble. And that, you know, I’ve made it isn’t that what they told us? Or at least that’s what I was told. But what I didn’t realize is that it’s a system that is founded on money and nepotism, and secret societies and clicks and politics and all the things that will kind of bog you down and can take you back in your journey in corporate America if you’re not aware. Like other system in America, it’s important to understand the order in which the system work. When you go into corporate America, you want to take a minute to kind of level set on how the system works because the system can work differently. Whether it’s blue collar, corporate America, like I mentioned before, or white collar corporate America, and the system can work within those two frames differently from company to company. So please take the opportunity to understand the system. The system is always about money first and maintaining it by the people at the top. From there all other separating factors come in to play from race, nepotism, sex come into play.

Lesson number three, hard work has its limits on return and therefore you have to be strategic about your time and direction. In America the majority of us are taught that our country is a meritocracy. Meritocracy is a political system in which economic goods and/or political power are vested in individual people on the basis of talent, effort, and achievement, rather than wealth or social class. Advancement in such a system is based on performance, as measured through examination or demonstrated achievement. Carla Harris taught me that this would be true if there was no subjectivity in the system. I believe this is why people of color can often do better in numbers-based roles like sales and finance because the outcome is more finite and measurable but then again that’s why they program us to not focus on number-based roles. Make sure you go back and catch that part.
The time for hard work should be early in your career. I’ll qualify early career as your first 3-5 years post college. This is the time where you are establishing your name and building your brand. Once you’ve established yourself as a professional you need to reevaluate your career plan and start being more strategic. For most of us, we are able to navigate early career because at this stage you are a worker bee and your hard work will separate you from the pack and allow you to progress. Where we start to lose traction is when we start to hit supervisor/manager level. This is because this is the first place where hard work alone is no longer the only requirement or an determining factor for promotion. For me and many black women when we get past the early career stage, we have no idea what to do next. My client Stephanie put it best when she said, we get to the end of the checklist and it’s like now what? Our parents could only tell us to get here. Based on their background and beliefs they are not in a place to help us with these experiences. When you hit this point I recommend you develop a strategic career plan and you incorporate the other gems I speak about in this episode.

Lesson number four, overworking and over delivering isn’t The same thing. A lot of times because we had lesson number three, right? Where we were taught to work hard, we interpret that to mean that we have to overwork that we have to do all of the things that come our way. And we have to do them all perfectly, in order to keep our jobs to be recognized, to stay on top of things. And this creates an enormous amount of stress for us as women, and certainly for us as black women, when we have the mindset that we have to do all of these things. So we’re working 4050 hours a week is taking away from our times with our family and our friends. And it just causes our work life balance to be out of whack and then it causes that attitudes to be I’ll call it less than personable less than professional in some cases. And so you want to make sure they over deliver But then you don’t overwork. And a way in which you can over deliver instead of overwork is to make sure you understand what is important to your leadership, what is important to the end goal, what cannot be done or at least not be done at a, maybe you have to do something else at a b minus, in order to over deliver it a over here. What’s important, you know, managing up understanding what’s in what’s important to your leadership is more important than trying to do all of the things and stressing yourself out and being overwhelmed, which often leads to making mistakes in your work product, which isn’t the result that I’m assuming you’re going for. Lesson number five.

lesson number seven I am worthy. And so are you. So often, we as women in general, but certainly women of color, forget that we are worthy, or we have self doubt about we are worthy. So much of the program says that we are not worthy. But we are. If you have made it to corporate America, that means that you have, you know, done what you needed to do to even get your foot in the door. So when I show up in meetings, I show up like I’m worthy. When I show up in corporate America, I don’t hide. I’m not stuck in the corner with my head down with my earphones and I’m not you know, sitting over here and not speaking to anyone. I’m showing up like I am somebody and that I am worthy of being in the building, having a seat at the table and providing solutions and value for the organization that I work for. And if you want other people People to treat you that way, you have to show up that way first. It doesn’t mean that you have to be cocky. It doesn’t mean that you, you know, are telling people that you’re the best and things like that. I don’t need to say that to people. I show up. I show up as the woman and the leader that I want to be. And I deliver results. And all of that speaks for itself. So I don’t have to tell them what I do or how I add value. They know. And they trust it. Right. So I’ve been doing it so long. They know that they can count on me and they trust that I’m going to deliver. So just be mindful of if you want to be treated like you’re worthy. You have to have that. You have to have the confidence and know within yourself that you are worthy. This also comes into play as we talked about black woman and money. You have to know that you’re worthy to ask for more money up front it You have to know that you’re worthy to get out there. And you know, take a chance on getting a promotion, even if it means that you get turned down. You have to know that you’re worthy to speak up in a meeting and have a voice. You have to know that you’re worthy to be prepared for your seat at the table. Because if you’re not prepared for your seat at the table, you can’t expect somebody else to offer you want to take you seriously. You’ve got to do that work for yourself and know it for yourself and show up as the best version of you. Lesson number eight, you have to be consistent.

Lesson number eight is consistency. So my whole goal for 2020 is going to be the year of consistency, showing up consistently is probably the most important thing you can do in your life in general. It is a domino effect when you show up consistently, and everything that you do when you show up at work and you produce consistent, consistent results. When you show up at work and you network consistently, when you talk to people consistently. When you make an impact in people’s life consistently, then people won’t have a choice but to know your name. People won’t have a choice but to think of you. People won’t have a choice but to respect you. For the woman you are the genius you are in all of your glory and all of your greatness, but you have to be consistent. If you’ve applied for a position and you didn’t get that position. Take the L suck it up. Pray about it, shake it off. Whatever you need to do to get your mind back in the game. Get up and do it again. I told you guys on the last episode that I did, I got passed over for promotion twice. But what I thought about it, I realized it was actually three different scenarios that took place without one director, where I didn’t get that one senior director rather, where I didn’t get promoted. But I got back up every time. And I kept going. And I kept delivering, and ultimately, I got promoted. So if you want to be promoted, if you want to progress in your career, you can’t just go and network one time. You can’t just go and see a leader one time. You got to keep showing up. That is one of the things that I teach my clients in terms of how to network and how to build their brand and their career. You can’t just go once and there is always time for networking in your career during business hours. Please believe that the people that you see progressing made the time to network, they made the time to go see senior leaders, they made the time to let them know what their career goals were, they made the time to let them know what they were interested in how they could help them. So it’s all about what’s important to you. And if growing your career is important to you, then there’s always time for what’s important to you, just like in any other area of your life. So make the time to be consistent.

Lesson number nine. Your network has to be diverse. So as America becomes a more diverse coat, so as America becomes a more diverse country, so corporate America will become more diverse. And the more that you can understand about people, and a diverse set of people and the skills and way in which that versus the people operate and move The better your brand, your network and the growth in your career will be. There are things that you have to understand for people culturally, right. So there’s things that people have to understand about us as black women culturally, they have to understand that we don’t like for people to touch our hair. They have to understand that we don’t represent every single black person or know everything about all things black, or those things, right. We expect them to understand those things about us. But what do you understand about them? I have learned so much about white culture, in working in corporate America, especially about white women. And at first I was just reluctant to do this and reluctant to get to know them. But it was actually remember the boss I was telling you guys about an episode one, forcing me to interact with them that I got to learn so much more about them to build so many new connections. To be able to make them a part of my network and leverage them. Having a diverse network will allow you to know things about what’s going on in the system. One, having a diverse network will let you know about what’s going on from an opportunities perspective. A lot of jobs are spoken for before they are posted. So if you are applying for a job, once it’s posted, you are likely late to the game. And it’s really already spoken for, and it being posted. It’s just a formality. You have to understand the players you have to understand how they move. You have to understand diverse people and diverse cultures and how they operate, how they like to be engaged, how they like to be spoken to. And you just have to understand people in order to want to get the job done, but to to progress in your career.

And I just have to tell you some of the best lessons I’ve gotten in my career have come from other African American men and women. And so I want you guys to make sure that you have African Americans as a part of your network, but not the only people in your network. And I’m going to talk about that in a minute
Alright, so I hope that you guys found that these tips were helpful and that they help you in your journey. I love to hear back from you guys. So again, if you have feedback or comments, or do you have a strict or if you have a story you want to share or questions that you like for me to answer on the podcast. Don’t forget you can email me at Anita at says you are worthy calm and Also don’t forget to subscribe and leave me a review. Love you guys. I love you says let’s get to work.